QDB: Latest Approved Quotes
About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search

TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random123456..586Next>
#310401 (29/35) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Zavie> Saga_Musix this actually happened when opening my Internet line: "Do you want a phone?" "hmm why not, how much? ok then." ... later: "Please write your name, address, phone number..." "I don't have a phone number." "We need a phone number." "You do realize you are asking me for a phone number to open a phone line?" (embarrased) "yes, it's a little stupid"
#311166 (14/16) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
swift110 | Sup y'all
<-- | Nothing_Much (Nothing_Muc@user/Nothing-Much/x-98833468) has quit (Connection closed)
BungusMcFungus | ^
#311140 (18/18) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< m1dnight_> Jezus, these damn terrorists are blowing up half my
< m1dnight_> I was late for the university today.
< m1dnight_> Thank god I had to pass 2 bombsites on my way to the university. Not to mention the fact that my university was an actual target (immediate threat)
< m1dnight_> Man this stuff is surreal. People are texting me to ask me if I'm alive..
< m1dnight_> Even one guy "I knew I had to try IRC to contact you so I installed this mirc thing" :>>>
#302071 (32/50) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<rigeld2> Just got a workorder with a list of domains who supposedly blacklist us.  Our domain is on that list.  I wonder when we started blacklisting ourselves.
* rigeld2 stabs stupid people
<inode0> I would do it if I had the power
<inode0> I could improve the lives of 60,000 people just like that
#307473 (49/83) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Sanzh>  wouldn't penis math be cockulus
<TheDeleter> Prickonometry?
<Schazer> dongrivatives?
<Jacquerel> arithmadicks
#305355 (28/66) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(RooRoo) okay so this guy  I've known for like 4 years from conventions, has been trying to seduce me via webcam. cause me losing all that weight made him decide that suddenly, I'm a hot chick.
(RooRoo) I made a 'small penis' joke because he took his pants off when I told him not to
(RooRoo) and then he called his dick 'Bruce Banner'
(RooRoo) who is the guy that becomes the hulk
(RooRoo) I busted out laughing
(RooRoo) could not take him seriously at all after that
#309733 (30/44) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<rmah> (reading books is my primary ipad activity)
<rmah> well, that and crossword puzzles
<atomi> I take my tablet to the bar and use it to ignore people
#308060 (31/49) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<%Chlamydia> my only mobile security feature is my lock pattern.
< me-tan> heh tablet runs windows XP so i use the fingerprint reader on it
< me-tan> best goddamn way to unlock your workstation ever
<%Chlamydia> nice.
< me-tan> not very secure though
<%Chlamydia> especially if someone finds your finger.
< me-tan> Chlamydia: its a laptop. Its covered in fingerprints already
< me-tan> well, laptop/tablet
< me-tan> all you have to do is cast the finger prints in gelatine then swipe them on the reader.
<%Chlamydia> i'd never have thought to do that, lol.
<%Chlamydia> i guess this is my excuse to wear long villain gloves everywhere.
< me-tan> or pick pineappes for a living.
< me-tan> One of the chemicals in pineapples removes the lines in your hands and fingers, so people who process pineapples end up leaving no fingerprints
<%Chlamydia> you are going to be first on my secret agent team.
< me-tan> only if i get a neat catsuit
<%Chlamydia> deal.
< me-tan> sweet.
Comment: #wtfux
#197234 (38/58) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<wito> I like my variables like I like my women
<Polytope> bound?
<thermoplyae> greek?
<Szego> hairy?
<Quadrescence> infinitely differentiable?
<acetoline> free?
<Aldaron> complex?
#311440 (16/20) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< hydrocat> Hello, I need some insight on asyncio's run_forever()
< o11c> hydrocat: if it is correctly named, it is a limited solution for the halting problem
#311214 (15/25) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<&kapitank> oh wow a mistype such a rare thing that deserves being pointed out every time it hapens =^)
<~LexPro> hapens
<&T2norway> hapens
#311173 (5/19) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<paulguy> Kenya East sounds like a knockoff Kanye West
#305906 (41/59) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< tobyx> i want to fly to switzerland and make free love to the founder of rapidshare
< mc44> you'll catch something horrible :(
< mc44> but only after you wait 60 seconds
#305413 (34/70) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+Meow> what's the alternative to html tables?
<+slew> html chairs
Comment: irc.p2p-network.net / #zomgwtfbbq
#304670 (24/46) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Digga> that's only because if you leave dirty socks on the carpet for long enough they start smelling of carpet and not socks and you can wear them again :D
#303787 (36/56) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<femmefan1946> Those drivers have tight schedules to follow.  You'd have a hard time flagging one down.
<femmefan1946> Unless you were wearing a low-cut dress.
<Mango> Heh.  I'm male.  Though this is Vancouver...it would probably be fairly easy to flag a driver down, if I was wearing a low-cut dress.
<Mango> It works for my uncle.
#214164 (16/56) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
AbortedFetus has left irc.slashnet.org (Ping timeout)
<orbofwisdom> man that was a good burger
<Kitsune> O_o
<Kitsune> did you.. eat... AbortedFetus?
#310604 (4/14) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@mentot> Marijuana, 851 1st Avenue #91, Seattle, WA 98104, USA 54.6 F (12.6 C) 49% humidity, wind is calm, overcast
<Jigsy> >Wind is calm
<Jigsy> I bet.
#308051 (18/36) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@keen> mm... xml
<Ceseuron> XML? XXXML is more like it...
<@keen> cryengine uses it for most of the item definitions
<Thalagyrt> XXXML?
<Thalagyrt> get real, it's more like <initialism type="abbreviation"><initial position="0" value="X" longvalue="eXtensible"/><initial position="1" value="M" longvalue="Markup"/><initial position="2" value="L" longvalue="Language"/></initialism>
#302675 (24/26) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<^[> if i get a new machine i've got everything else planned out for my old parts
<^[> the old desktop turns into a render box
<^[> the old render box turns into a fileserver
<^[> the old fileserver turns into a flowerpot
<^[> and the old flowerpot goes outside because i haven't watered it in like 9 months and the plants have been long dead
#311325 (32/36) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<gambl0re> imagine riding a uber in detroit...probably get shot
<jaawerth> meh, places are never as dangerous as people say they are
<jaawerth> also if an uber driver shot me I'd leave them a terrible review
#309763 (49/69) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< NDJ> Oh God how did I even do this,
< NDJ> My Windows partition is now ext4
< NDJ> Shit
Comment: #linux on a small network
#307354 (33/71) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
rejoec > africans complain theres no water for 20 miles
rejoec > why dont they walk the 20 miles and live there instead
rejoec > like any fucking sane person
#310844 (29/33) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<wabewalkr> Oh, I dunno. Ignorance is bliss.
<zompist> then why aren't more people happy?
#299953 (34/54) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
bubbal: Why would you want to stay married to someone who doesn't want to be married to you?
overbored454: because you just can't turn love off like a car engine?
FlyingUndeadSheep: but you can handbrake-turn it sideways into a wall.
save page | share 123456..586Next>

About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search
14,635 quotes approved; 9,269 fermenting; karma: 190.2873