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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev123 |
#301022 (978/1124) ⚐Flag
<Fraxtil> ugh
<Fraxtil> a bunch of mormons came to my door
<taiyal> lol
<Fraxtil> and I decided to listen to them
<taiyal> you didn't convert did you
<Fraxtil> fucking 15 minutes later they're done and I have a Book of Mormon and some pamphlets
<Fraxtil> haha no
<taiyal> I have a Book of Mormon
<taiyal> got it for free off the internet
<NitroX72> they can actually drag on that long?
<Fraxtil> yes, nitro
<taiyal> i've read most of the first book
<taiyal> you know what's even better
<taiyal> on the page of the Mormon website where you can request a free book
<taiyal> you can check a box saying that you would like to have a representative come to your door and explain to you
<taiyal> so you can essentially beam mormons at people |
#303762 (100/136) ⚐Flag
< man_in_shack> anyone here good with configuring hal?
<+blast007> just don't give him two contradicting objectives and you'll be fine |
#295827 (1062/1174) ⚐Flag
<paul> my mom was suspected of child abuse by my pediatrician as a kid
<paul> she swore up and down i wasn't being abused
<paul> the doctor was sceptical
<paul> they went out into the waiting room where I was
<paul> mom was like "paul, come here!"
<paul> I get up, look at her instead of where I was going, and run full tilt into a pole
<paul> doctor's like "sorry maam, you had to see this from my position" |
#230078 (671/787) ⚐Flag
<heros> LOL, dude, I set up this little box on the side of my car
<heros> and theres a button on it with a sign, "Do not press"
<heros> and when you press it the car alarm goes off
<jeff> lol nice
<heros> so I'm gonna count how many people do it in a week
<heros> brb
<jeff> where u going?
<heros> car alarm went off |
#308006 (119/153) ⚐Flag
<dr2chase> As I said to someone else, back when the Lite-Brite Mooninites panicked the Boston Police, the first rule of making a bomb, is to not make it look like a bomb.
<dr2chase> That's why IEDs get buried, stuffed into dead dogs, what have you. Around here, if you wanted to hide a bomb in plain sight, you'd stick it in a crumpled Dunkin Donuts bag.
<anony> Isn't a Dunkin Donuts bag the first place a cop would look? |
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Open call for science fiction prose/art
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#300611 (829/969) ⚐Flag
<Robohunk> A friend of mine took an exam in his French class while on acid once. When friends asked him about it later, he said, "I think I did pretty well. I wrote this great story about a thunderstorm."
<Robohunk>
<Robohunk> The professor called him into his office soon afterwards and showed him the test. It was a piece of paper covered with the words "Noir noir noir, noir BLANC!!! noir noir noir noir noir, noir noir noir BLANC!!!" over and over. |
#7609 (12/286) ⚐Flag
<xorg> If I say "Eject" and you say "What?", you'll be talking to yourself. |
#301694 (650/808) ⚐Flag
Stranger: girl looking for boy to talk dirty
Stranger: interested?
You: o ok
Stranger: you start baby
You: mud
You: dust
You: mold
Your conversational partner has disconnected. |
#81636 (2402/3004) ⚐Flag
<wasabi> 0_0
<wasabi> gonna be one fucker of a day
<jeeb> howso?
<wasabi> walked past the server room...
<wasabi> The boss was sitting in there with a box of sphagetti noodles...
<wasabi> slowly pushing one in at a time into the server fan on an old P3 system
<wasabi> giggling like a school girl while the fan made this horrendously loud, high-pitched sawing sound
<wasabi> noodle shrapnel flying back at his black suite (covered in it)
<wasabi> That's why...
<jeeb> 0_0 |
#55613 (320/468) ⚐Flag
<Spoonman> it's wonderful when you log into IRC and the nickname reads: "dirtyslut"
<Spoonman> i'm going to have a talk with my girlfriend right now |
#55218 (258/434) ⚐Flag
<illgl> ok people.. got something for yall.
<illgl> i've made a drawing of muhammed! bwahaha!!11
<illgl> >:)-<=< .. those are bombs around his waist. let's see now how long it takes before my embassy is burned, my mom raped and my dog eaten
* illgl (~mymail@<xx>.mine.nu) Quit (Ping timeout)
<@greml> wow, that was fastComment: abc@defghijklmno.com
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#33624 (247/373) ⚐Flag
<eslice> i just got a vm from some random hick asking for doug
<eslice> wanted to know if i could do research on signature control for ground and air vehicles
<eslice> wtf?
<eslice> should i call back and act like i know wtf i'm talking about
<jestuh> lol only if you record it
<eslice> yeah i was just thinking about that
<hy\dro> yes
<hy\dro> that's what i did last week when some woman called me thinking i was her court-appointed lawyer in some contempt case against her ex-husband
<eslice> hahaha
<eslice> did you show up in court
<hy\dro> haha no i didn't show up, she eventually figured out what was going on
<hy\dro> i told her that i could just have her ex killed for her and nobody would have to know
<hy\dro> and she kind of stuttered
<hy\dro> then hung upComment: #GeekIssues
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#308198* (?/23) ⚐Flag
<Pixel_Outlaw> I was born in '87 and really feel cheated. I would have killed to be a programmer in the golden ear of computing.
<Pixel_Outlaw> *era |
#145699 (1833/2175) ⚐Flag
Jacob: heh
Jacob: my roommate just walked by with a bottle of water
Jacob: I asked her why she wastes her money on that shit
Jacob: she replied with "It's healthier than tap water."
Jacob: I took the bottle from her and showed her where it said "Source: City of Houston Municipal Water Supply"
Jacob: Tap-water. |
#41090 (211/363) ⚐Flag
- redgreen [~rg@HSE-Toronto-ppp3478702.sympatico.ca] has joined #england
redgreen> howdy there
redgreen> yeehaw
redgreen> i am from texas
redgreen> anyone into bull riding?
Bite_> oh yes, highly popular activity in england |
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#31339 (337/475) ⚐Flag
<ghido> hi could anyone suggest me a very good irc server? i have to run it inside an company and it must have a restricted access my User/Pass. Thanks
<SlayerXP> ghido: has your systems administrator given you permission to run an irc server?
<ghido> SlayerXP: i'm the system administrator
<SlayerXP> ghido: then how come you don't know how to use a search engine? |
#277257 (392/702) ⚐Flag
<JSensebe> We've gone from Jesus to cockbacon in under half an hour. Good work, people. |
#9222 (222/408) ⚐Flag
<Al> vasectomy is a foolish barbarism
<Al> it would be completely unnecessary is men weren't so stupid to keep having sex with women
<jre|away> It's not that. The odd sperm cell can cling to air particles and accidentally get sucked into a passing vagina
<Vodex> like an extraction fan but in reverse
<Al> damn those vaginas, is there no depravity they will not commit |
#10774 (263/426) ⚐Flag
<guyen> so she gets pulled over, and as the bike cop walks up to her, she asks "are you going to at least try to sell me a ticket to the highway patrolmen's ball?"
<guyen> then the cop goes "highway patrolmen don't have balls, ma'am"
<guyen> and she busts out laughing, he finally gets it and just turns around, gets on his bike, and rides away without another word
<guyen> she just sits in her car laughing for like five minutes before she starts her car again
<guyen> shit, if i'd try to say something like that he would have gone LAPD on my ass |
#14475 (88/228) ⚐Flag
[Nothingface] fuck, I can't type
[@PMV] its easy
[@PMV] step 1: bang head on keyboard
[@PMV] step 2: repeat |
#62493 (19/313) ⚐Flag
<misterx> Want a pic?
<NoelCower> No.
<NoelCower> Unless it's a dickgirl
<NoelCower> And then only if she has two dicksComment: #blitzcoder - irc.blitzed.org
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#50848 (329/445) ⚐Flag
< jiteo> I remember calling my ISP asking about getting a static IP
< jiteo> poor guy on the other end was so happy to have someone with brains to
talk to
< jiteo> and actually get asked a question that makes sense
< jiteo> on that day I brought warm fuzzies in his life
< jiteo> I will forever be proud
< KrakensDen> :)
< KrakensDen> did you get one?
< jiteo> no |
#275427 (718/796) ⚐Flag
< Corbomite> Which will allow me to spend cuntless hours fucking around in Visual Studio?
< Corbomite> countless*
< Vir4030> no, cuntless is accurate too |
#305330 (1098/1226) ⚐Flag
<Hadley> PONY WANNA SEE MY DICK
<Pony> no, hadley. I am strictly in the vagina business
<Hadley> Pony: you should consider expanding your market! i have some brochures about the penis market, if you'd like
<Pony> why have more penis if you already have one yourself
<Pony> it's like buying a second iphone. it's pointless and not usefull
<Hadley> Pony: like the iphone, a penis lacks multitasking, which is where investing in multiples comes in handy
<Pony> then it's still overkill, hadley. the second one should be an ipad or ipod in that case
<Hadley> Pony: so... if i get the analogy correctly... you're only interested in a penis if it's twice as big as your current one?
<Pony> yes
<Hadley> THEN HAVE I GOT GREAT NEWS FOR YOU |
#54619 (275/429) ⚐Flag
<@Zook> fuck
<@Zook> Sister wants on -_-
<fire> ouch
<@Zook> Yeah.
<@Zook> but what she doesnt know is i added her sites to Windows HOSTS file.
<@Zook> to redirect to 127.0.0.1
<@Me> huh?
<@Zook> In other words she tries to access her sites and it doesnt let her
<@Zook> and In other words ill be back real soon :p |
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