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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random123456..536Next> |
#300446 (47/99) ↑Good ↓Bad
<DiamondK> I'm just saying
<DiamondK> What kind of a world is this where you block the word "fuck" and people get all up in arms about how censorship is bad
<DiamondK> Yet if you start talking about God and religion then they all want you censored no questions asked
<GreenCobra> And I'm just saying
<GreenCobra> Some people call that a beautiful world |
#216997 (218/316) ↑Good ↓Bad
<Shii> ethane, mcdonalds can be a fun and rewarding job
<Shii> to get fired from
<Cpl_Ethane> Shii: I worked there, over uhm
<Cpl_Ethane> 15 years ago
<Cpl_Ethane> and I got fired
<Shii> what for?
<Cpl_Ethane> shii: you know those paper burger king crowns that BK used to hand out? I showed up to work wearing oneComment: #raspberryheaven
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#197259 (422/448) ↑Good ↓Bad
datagram: Hey
janelle: im janelles sister, im 16
janelle: she's away
datagram: Well hello there
datagram: Are you young and impressionable?
janelle: she warned me about you already |
#297753 (465/493) ↑Good ↓Bad
<Seth> We were out fishing one time, and I was like, "So what would you do if I was dating your daughter?"
<Seth> And he goes, "I'd kill you."
<Seth> Straight faced, too. ;(
<Seth> And then he pulls out a knife, still straight faced.
<Seth> And then goes, "Just kidding man. She already told me."
<Seth> I damn near shit myself. ;< |
#139309 (2217/2361) ↑Good ↓Bad
<FossZombie> wtf
<FossZombie> quote "so you are 23 years old right?" me: "yes" them: "did you have any programming experiance in the 1970s"
* Wolfed hails FossZombie
<FossZombie> I'm tempted to say yes
<Wolfed> It would have been interesting.
<FossZombie> Yes in 1971 I was the lead computer scientist for the military, until 1975 when I switched jobs and worked for zenith for a short period of time until 1980s when I switched over to the atari group programming team. In 1984 I was born and that pretty much ended my career as a programmer.
<FossZombie> I spent the next three years shitting myself and learning how to speak and learn my ABCs |
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Dropbox: store, sync, share, awesome, free!
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#297725 (130/136) ↑Good ↓Bad
<CShadowRun> windows keeps telling me i might be a victim of software counterfeiting :(
<CShadowRun> i don't think of myself as a victim, more of a benificiary |
#155550 (1907/2043) ↑Good ↓Bad
<TEHd> walkin home last night from the bars, reasonably wasted, stumbling everywhere, etc.
<TEHd> cop pulls up alongside me and charlie
<TEHd> says "You boys been drinking tonight?" in a pissed off, you're getting a ticket voice
<TEHd> charlie stares directly in his eyes, waves his hand in front of him and says "these are not the drunks you are looking for, move along"
<TEHd> cop laughs his ass off and drives away |
#295480 (519/563) ↑Good ↓Bad
<@Tenor> 'Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML'
<@Tenor> I'm going to be that type of parent
<@hsimah> who would have sex with you? |
#296831 (291/311) ↑Good ↓Bad
<Paradox> apparently some douchebag went to harrass the gay club on campus
<Paradox> and mooned them. I don't think that guy thought things through. |
#230078 (298/338) ↑Good ↓Bad
<heros> LOL, dude, I set up this little box on the side of my car
<heros> and theres a button on it with a sign, "Do not press"
<heros> and when you press it the car alarm goes off
<jeff> lol nice
<heros> so I'm gonna count how many people do it in a week
<heros> brb
<jeff> where u going?
<heros> car alarm went off |
#298212 (223/241) ↑Good ↓Bad
CoJaBo> Tho technicly, if its combusting at a subsonic rate, its called defloration..
RADiX> Thanks, Ill fix it on the way to class :)
! RADiX has quit (Leaving).
CoJaBo> *Deflagration, lol that would have been bad o_O
CoJaBo> uh-oh... |
#78919 (2245/2439) ↑Good ↓Bad
<SpannerGO0> HEY BICTHES
*** SpannerGO0 was kicked by sam88 (don't be a douche)
<BicThes> he was talking to me i think
<sam88> whoops |
#147631 (192/210) ↑Good ↓Bad
<KleverOneR> Hey carol...
<KleverOneR> How was the sex? 1 to 10
<Carousel> Which time??
<KleverOneR> Add them all together, then find the average
<Carousel> Hold on
|<-- Carousel has left dalnet (Ping timeout)
<Dayvid> Division by zero is a bitch amiright?
<KleverOneR>... |
#137652 (407/437) ↑Good ↓Bad
<Trinexx> Foster brought a client down to the basement today
<Trinexx> I was wearing that fucking hat they decided to make me wear
<Trinexx> my hair in a ponytail
<Trinexx> this shiteating client sees me, thinks I'm a chick
<Trinexx> says "hey baby, are you having fun?"
<Trinexx> I ignore the asswad
<Trinexx> he walks up behind me, puts his hand on my shoulder, and repeats the question
<Trinexx> I turn around, look him dead in the eye, and say in my deepest voice possible "Yeah honey, now that you're here"
<Trinexx> guy nearly jumped out of his skin |
#52748 (3231/3529) ↑Good ↓Bad
<jesterlo1> So back in the day of the modem, when porn was limited to pictures only, I used to go to lots of thumbnail galleries and save the pictures to a folder that I would use a slideshow on afterwards.
<jesterlo1> The great thing about a slideshow is that pressing any key makes it disappear, good for the uninvited guest, know what I mean?
<jesterlo1> Well it turned out that uninvited guest was my father and I was in the middle of a "session" so I quickly press escape and ask him whats up.
<jesterlo1> He looks at me, looks at the screen, I look at the screen, say, "uhhhhhhhhhh", then he mutters something about if there was any email for him and leaves quickly.
<jesterlo1> FUCKING INTERNET EXPLORER HAS "SET AS BACKGROUND" NEXT TO "SAVE IMAGE"
<jesterlo1> And said pic was a huge cock spraying all over this girls face.
<jesterlo1> But because of the dimensions of the pic, all you could see was a huge cock spraying as my background.
<jesterlo1> And that my friends, is why I use Firefox. |
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Sadhat: low-noise, high-signal news
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#188970 (621/675) ↑Good ↓Bad
<G-Flex> I was stealing wifi once and got into the people's router and I just like
<G-Flex> wound up upgrading their firmware |
#297776 (448/482) ↑Good ↓Bad
<DevXen> seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. |
#64822 (2190/2392) ↑Good ↓Bad
[DAY] Trinexx: I saw the most awesome Windows error today: "A malicious program has attempted to shut down Windows. As a precaution, Windows was shut down." |
#297794 (393/423) ↑Good ↓Bad
<XenThra> I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
<DevXen> Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. |
#141669 (1476/1610) ↑Good ↓Bad
(@Gunrun) Pringles are clever
(@Gunrun) they're like... self regulating
(@Gunrun) if you can't fit your hand into the tube to get more
(@Gunrun) then you probably shouldn't be getting more anyway |
#260967 (359/387) ↑Good ↓Bad
Dexi: so..... I got a black eye at work today...
Grim: haha how?
Dexi: you know how in cartoons when someone steps on a rake, it comes up and hits them in the face?
Dexi: yeah that really happens. |
#64104 (521/567) ↑Good ↓Bad
<pipo> ...um.
<pipo> ... kids these days ...
<pipo> just came from the strangest conversation with my little sister
<niccolo> ?
<pipo> she's reading the comics
<pipo> and she asks me
<pipo> "hey what's 'friendship-with-benefits?'"
<pipo> so I give the big brother response
<pipo> "it's a physical relationship, without any commitment"
<pipo> mind you, she's 11 and I don't want to get into much detail with my sis
<pipo> anyway she was quiet for a moment
<pipo> and then she goes
<pipo> "ok so like f***buddies then?"
<michelle_113> ...
<niccolo> dude wtf |
#297712 (256/274) ↑Good ↓Bad
[Talaxia] you fucking nerd
[Fugue] no room to talk, hypocrite
[Talaxia] stfu
[Arilla] You just called someone a nerd, at 3 in the morning, on a video game, on a character named after a planet from star trek.
[Talaxia] ....
Talaxia has gone offline. |
#139795 (2153/2367) ↑Good ↓Bad
[+Tarball] ITT: Movie titles that described your first sexual experience.
[+Tarball] THERE WILL BE BLOOD
[+Timmy] lmao
[+Tarball] Gone in 60 seconds
[+Hatty] SNAKES ON A PLANE
[TheWickerMan] quiet down Hatty
[TheWickerMan] why don't you try HOME ALONE |
#295274 (220/244) ↑Good ↓Bad
< Yorokobi> I saw a great license plate frame and license plate today. The frame: What would Jesus do? The plate: JWRTFMComment: #ubuntu-us-ut on freenode
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