<nupanick> What part of the day do you most associate with masturbation?
<GreyMaria> awake
<RoKenn> he's sort of like the community pet, he keeps pooing on the couch, but we're too kindhearted to send him to the animal shelter
<dr2chase> As I said to someone else, back when the Lite-Brite Mooninites panicked the Boston Police, the first rule of making a bomb, is to not make it look like a bomb.
<dr2chase> That's why IEDs get buried, stuffed into dead dogs, what have you. Around here, if you wanted to hide a bomb in plain sight, you'd stick it in a crumpled Dunkin Donuts bag.
<anony> Isn't a Dunkin Donuts bag the first place a cop would look?
<kuyler> This voice recognition kind of socks
<~HumanNoMore> service hicupd stop
<~HumanNoMore> chkconfig hicupd off
<AlexR> aahhaha... STOP... you're making me laugh more :-(
<glxblt> i really wish life had an undo button
<GargajCNS> i'd be content with a walkthrough
<GargajCNS> or a plot synopsis on wikipedia
* krikkert heads for that large downy object in the other room which is rumoured to remove fatigue and restore vitality.
* UmbralRaptor spent far too long wondering why a coffee-maker would be covered in down.
<+Stars> man I always feel bad when I install X on a new system :(
<+Stars> it's like I am ruining it
<Ymbirtt> !remind 10m pizza
<Ymbirtt> !remind 12m seriously pizza
<Ymbirtt> !remind 20m small black disk
<Ymbirtt> !remind 1h extinguish fire in kitchen
<@Alberd> I have repurposed an old beta tank into a woodlice farm. I now have a plastic jar full of pill bugs on my desk which delight me to no end and I'm not sure why.
<+Night> You are an interesting person, Alberd
<@Alberd> I proffer that Armadillidium woodlice are by far one of the more adorable crustaceans. I have many fond memories of catching them as a child.
<@Alberd> Handfuls of them.
<@Alberd> Also of drowning them because I thought if you put them in water they would turn into worms eventually.
<Pryoidain> So I had this brilliant Idea to patch portage to support Regex....
<Pryoidain> Like..massive regex standard strings
<LtBrenton> @_@
<Pryoidain> and then just for curiosity I ran emerge --search --desc ***
<Pryoidain> This system sounds like a turbine and I've lost a shell >.>
Stoffleberg: U jbiw ;c
Stoffleberg: Pffft
Stoffleberg: Wow.
Bran: U jbiw
Stoffleberg: English how does it work.
Stoffleberg: I know*
Stoffleberg: My keyboard was a bit to the side.
Bran: ueaj that's what i guessed
<@Rjx> I've noticed a trend in modern SEO
<@Rjx> which involves shitting up your URLs and shitting up your content
<@Rjx> to meet some imaginary standards
<@Sebas> Apparently I tried to go to sleep with my feet on the pillow because "then they'd get to be comfortable for a change, too"
<@Sebas> And when the girlfriend told me I'd suffocate then, I told her "No, because I'm James Bond"
<@Sebas> Which I later explained, after they told me this, was because James Bond is an under-cover agent.
<@Sebas> So obviously he wouldn't suffocate under the blankets.
<@nukespooon> ahahhaha
<@Sebas> EVEN WHEN I'M SHITFACED OUT OF MY MIND, I MAKE TERRIBLE PUNS
<normalboy>rofl
<normalboy>re: hollow spy coins
<normalboy>Start the day thinking you had exact change to pay for breakfast; end the day realizing you paid with two dollars, three cents and six hits of acid.
<glxblt> FUCK ME IN THE ASS
<glxblt> the car won't start
<glxblt> 45min until booze store closes
<GargajCNS> cant you just order via the internet
<peppupupu> yeah
<glxblt> this is no time for jokes people, there's not a drop of booze in the house
[...]
<glxblt> okay, the car will maybe start if I let it be in the charger for 15 minutes
<glxblt> then I'll drive around for 15 minutes and that'll leave me 15 minutes to get the booze.
<glxblt> shit shit shit, if I don't drive around for the 15 minutes I will be stuck at the store parking lot
<glxblt> hmmm
<glxblt> maybe if take a risk and leave my car running
[...]
<glxblt> i will so fucking order a taxi if my car doesn't start in a while
<glxblt> i need to get drunk today
<shanty> are there secret handshakes involved in worshipping your balls?
<CB|MC> no
<CB|MC> you just cup them
<collin> lift and tickle.
<Greed> You guys wanna hear something fucked?
<olleman> we're on the internet, after all
koala_bot waits for it
<Greed> The previous owner of my cell phone number died in a car crash involving a drunk driver.
<Greed> His mom, who has dementia, calls me 10-14 times per week and leaves messages asking when 'Thomas' is going to come home and stop dallying around with his friends
<Greed> Or when he's going to come vistit her
<Greed> Or asking Thomas what's for dinner
<Greed> Or pleading with him to call her more
<olleman> dude.
<Greed> And if I pick up the number and explain to her that I'm not Thomas
<Suppa_Spic> :3
<Greed> She'll argue and cry and plead with me to stop messing with her
<Greed> And this happens on almost a daily basis
<Greed> Sometimes she'll call me at 2AM and ask me where I am
<Greed> Why I'm not at home eating cornbread
<olleman> that is heart breaking
<Suppa_Spic> Greed: tell her her son is dead
<Greed> And when I pick up the phone now and again and tell her that she has the wrong number, that Thomas isn't even part of this world anymore
<Greed> She gets angry and even more sad and yells at me to stop playing sick games with her
<Greed> And because of the Dementia, she doesn't remember each encounter the next day
<Greed> Every day is just a replay of the day before he died for her
<WordpressNoob> wait
<WordpressNoob> your number is tied to your phone not a SIM?
<WordpressNoob> get off CDMA man
<Greed> Google Voice.
<Greed> Actually no, the number she calls is the phone's
<chiper> I'd have gotten a new number a long time ago
<Greed> Nobody else knows that number but she and I
<Greed> I mean
<Greed> I can't do that
<Greed> I don't know what it would do to her if every time she called him (Once or twice a day), she got a dead line
<B0g4r7> A Catholic priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walk into a bar.
<B0g4r7> He orders a beer.
<d4|werk> ba dum tsssssh
<mark251> so how was the beer
<Grauwolf> The best thing about UDP jokes is that I don't care if you get them or not
<@X-LP> woowee i think i have a fever
<Jigsy> Is it Bieber fever?
<Jigsy> 'cause that can be pretty fatal.
* Jigsy loads the gun.
<+Raija> what does it feel like to use a penis, though?
<Skarlet> wuh?
<Skarlet> you don't know?
<Fritz> It feels awesome!
<+Raija> I mean, what does it feel like to fuck something with a penis
<Fritz> The power of the world in the palm if your hand
<+Emmy> It's a good thing I've got a nokia.
<+Emmy> I kinda accidentally threw it against a wall >.<
<+Akuma> Emmy: oh shit! is your wall okay?!
<ninja_warrior666> can anyone tell me how to create sodium metal?
<ninja_warrior666> or nitrocellulose?
<Schroedingers_hat> Well, it all starts with an infinitely hot singularity...
<ninja_warrior666> ...
<Schroedingers_hat> But you've gotta create some nothing first.
<Schroedingers_hat> Well, not first
<Schroedingers_hat> because you haven't created time yet.
<Schroedingers_hat> Well not yet
<Schroedingers_hat> but you get what I mean
<&o11c> http://qdb.us/305729
<&o11c> A UDP packet walks into a bar and says "I want a beer". The barman charges him twice but doesn't actually give him one.