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#297780 (414/562) ⚐Flag
<kylierenea> I have the COOLEST teacher in my substance abuse class!
<kylierenea> I was in my substance abuse class today
<kylierenea> we were on the topic of marijuana
<kylierenea> and she started telling this story...
<kylierenea> she said "one day i was pulling weeds from my garden"
<kylierenea> and she's this really nice, old lady too..
<kylierenea> and she says "while I'm pulling weeds i see this small plant.."
<kylierenea> "and i think to myself, this looks like marijuana"
<kylierenea> "so i bring it up to my nose and smell it and i'm like.."
<kylierenea> "this SMELLS like marijuana..."
<kylierenea> then she says "so i take it inside, grind it, roll it, and smoke it"
<kylierenea> "and I'm like, 'this IS marijuana!"
#310035 (484/510) ⚐Flag
<ioiom63> I went to the doctor, and I had to fill out these papers, right?
<ioiom63> They must use the same papers for men and women, because I had to fill in whether or not I was pregnant.
<ioiom63> I'm a bit of a dick, so I wrote "You never know!"
<ioiom63> 30 minutes later a nurse is VERY angry with me because they're extremely busy already and I've just made things worse...
<ioiom63> ...because if a patient gives any indication of being unsure whether or not they are pregnant, the staff are legally required to take the time to do a pregnancy test.
<ioiom63> Apparently the rule does not also state "...but only if the patient is female."
<ioiom63> Long story short, I am most definitely NOT pregnant.
#311601 (28/34) ⚐Flag
<Muad-Dib> I use IRC by carrier pigeon
<yipdw> I use it by boat
<yipdw> connection reset by pier
#56901 (16100/18374) ⚐Flag
<glowsun> I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo
<glowsun> and got mauled
<glowsun> and people were talking about how there should have been better defenses put up to prevent people getting into the cage
<glowsun> a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent
<glowsun> for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in
#30562 (10130/13096) ⚐Flag
<frank> can you help me install GTA3?
<knightmare> first, shut down all programs you aren't using
* frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
<knightmare> ...
#51406 (210/376) ⚐Flag
* [WarMachine] has joined #cesspool
<Gormandu> Where the hell have you been?
<[WarMachine]> banned from the pc
<Gormandu> why?
<[WarMachine]> I showed my parents Goatse when I was drunk
<Gormandu> So they banned you for a week?
<[WarMachine]> No the school year, they went out and took the power cord, but I bought one earlier
<Gormandu> You are so sad.
#277318 (329/469) ⚐Flag
<dioz> god damn i need to shit
<dioz> woops
<dioz> does anyone else have the constant problem of typing into the wrong terminal?
* azn_jesus wonders what the right terminal for that was
#43027 (212/322) ⚐Flag
<Aimee[Dead]> I don't think it's a good thing that my shoulder hurts for no reason
<Mayseth> Right or left?
<Aimee[Dead]> ummm right i think
<Mayseth> You think?
<Aimee[Dead]> i don't know left and right :(
<Mayseth> The nicklist is on the right!
<Mayseth> Start button on the left
<Aimee[Dead]> ok it's my right one then
#36333 (88/208) ⚐Flag
<Unrelated> Wheel of Fortune should be called Fat People Guessing
#7285 (120/250) ⚐Flag
( Judge`ZzzZ) fmita Khorne-
( Khorne-   ) fmita?
( Khorne-   ) whats fmita short for? =)
( Khorne-   ) "fuck me in the ass?" .p
( Judge`ZzzZ) looks like it
( Fuzzy     ) you say it that often you need an acronym for it?
#48735 (229/437) ⚐Flag
(Lurking) did you know that 62% of statistics are made up on the spot?
(Nick) did you know that joke is unfunny 100% of the time?
#146181 (563/991) ⚐Flag
<@Rjx> my uncle used to tell me that there were 3 rings of marriage
<@Rjx> the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering
#7103 (158/321) ⚐Flag
<Rain|BW> sbot jesus
<Sbot> Jesus Saves! But Gretzky Rebounds, He Shoots, He Scores!
<Rain|BW> tee-hee-hee
<CrashCat> jesus saves souls and redeems them for valuable prizes at the ticket counter
<gegi> Jesus saves, the rest of you take 5d20 damage.
#176915 (368/560) ⚐Flag
* scooter mails the fist of death to one of the sales guys
<~scooter> he calls up and asks "how is the project for $client going?"
<~scooter> uhh, i have no idea what you are talking about.  in fact, i don't see that we ever got a request for $client to build anything.  the status is that you never entered a request.
<~scooter> "*clickety* *clickety* you should have one now."
<~scooter> i look and see "build a project for $client per the phone conversation we're having now"
<~scooter> "what's the status on it?"
<~scooter> i bit the end of the phone and cracked it
Comment: #geeks
#297561 (417/535) ⚐Flag
<ProtoTom> WTF's a woofer?
<Jizzle> It's a special speaker reserved for making "woof" sounds in some songs
<Jizzle> WHO LET THE DOGS OUT for instance
<ProtoTom> seriously?
<MACROX> yeah...the runtime complexity of producing that sound was way to high
<MACROX> so they implemented it in harware
#32952 (358/520) ⚐Flag
<Monty> Question challenge #9272: what us state includes the telephone
area code 602
<azz> ibot area code 602
<iBot> i think area code 602 is Phoenix, Arizona
<Monty> Winner was iBot with the correct answer: arizona
#49768 (342/498) ⚐Flag
<|404notfound> I think there's something wrong with me
<|404notfound> when I'm downloading at like 5 kB/s, I don't get angry or annoyed
<|404notfound> I get nostalgic
Comment: Aniverse: #megatokyo
#311372 (55/75) ⚐Flag
phobos: Windows gave a BSOD while installing the nvidia-drivers, so I blew it away and installed Linux.
Silver_Fox: Sure. I rebuild the house too when the fridge fails.
phobos: If the house were designed and built by Microsoft, you'd have to.
#54010 (347/507) ⚐Flag
<Sara> I've discovered that there are certain things that I just can't say without people saying "No, it's just not right when you say it"
<Sara> Like I'm too nice and innocent or something :/
<The_Taped_Crusader> sara
<Sara> hmm?
<The_Taped_Crusader> just imagine your dad saying "lol hax" and you'll understand.
<Sara> Oh god
Comment: dchub://404hub.no-ip.com
#308469 (90/146) ⚐Flag
<hagbard> i3Guest88: the pin9 that on the webpage is marked "NC" what are you doing with that pin?
<i3Guest88> just to ground
<myself> aha
<myself> when a bit gets shifted off the edge of the '595, it falls out pin 9
<myself> if you're pushing zeroes out there, the chip is trying to drive pin 9 to ground, which is already its state, and everything is copascetic
<myself> but as soon as you shift a 1 off the edge of the register, it tries to drive pin 9 high, but it's grounded, so it shorts your power supply
<myself> when a pin is labeled NC, that means you only connect it if you're in North Carolina
<myself> and since we're in Michigan, we use that as a no-connect pin, meaning leave it floating
#80931 (563/719) ⚐Flag
<conner> All I know is, the World Of Warcraft entry in wikipedia is 20 pages long and the Personal Grooming entry is like 1 page with a picture of a cat licking its fur.
#14207 (394/534) ⚐Flag
<h|tler> HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT WHAT I'M WRITEING?????????????????????????????????????????????????????
#230 (156/363) ⚐Flag
<kisama> i'll have dsl too, by this week, brett
<kisama> cockface is hooking me up
<kisama> :)
<Guilty|> Thats really nice of your mom to do
#24239 (74/262) ⚐Flag
<TO> ppl think im gay when they first meat me sometimes
#19405 (313/473) ⚐Flag
<|Omen|> "Perl in a Nutshell 2nd Edition", 738 pages
<|Omen|> What the fuck kinda nutshell is that? Coconut?
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