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#87350 (451/549) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Dexi: I found this auction on eBay...
Dexi: "Learn how to earn over $500 a day with this system!"
Dexi: Starting bid: $557.00
Grim: ...lmao
Dexi: I think might know what the system is... ;) |
#297080 (364/442) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> I had this terrible sinus infection once, all the mucus, the works
<Pryoidain> Well at some point, between all the antihistamines, I thought it'd be a brilliant idea to snort a crapton of Instant coffee.
<Pryoidain> Now for those of you who don't know, ANY moisture will turn instant coffee, into actual coffee.
<Pryoidain> I became a human percolator for like, an hour an a half.
<asaph> ....You need to do one of those "This is what happens when you do drugs" commercials.
<asaph> Half the country would go sober 24 hours after it hit air. |
#294521 (406/494) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<&qqhax> guys guys
<&qqhax> this is fucking epic right now
<&qqhax> so, my comcast cable box wasn't working
<&qqhax> so i went into the diagnostic menu to play with the frequencies
<&qqhax> and found the menu that lets you enable the dvr even thought i'm not paying for it
<&qqhax> so anyway
<&qqhax> i enable the dvr and reboot the box
<&qqhax> then go to the dvr menu
<&qqhax> comcast gave me a used box
<&qqhax> that has 120gb
<&qqhax> 64% of it is ppv porn. |
#59014 (570/696) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Azio> Be wary of SEO firms that send you email out of the blue.
<Azio> Amazingly, we get these spam emails too:
<Azio> "Dear google.com,
<Azio> I visited your website and noticed that you are not listed in most of the major search engines and directories..." |
#59016 (566/692) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<FuriKuri> How do I turn off those stupid red lines in Microsoft Word?
<Chu> Type correctly?Comment: #nintendo @ irc.chatspike.net
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Lyndon B Comic: A tri-monthly comic of the deathly important
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#118435 (507/619) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Lemmy> : no body like's an grammer nazi.
<Harbinger>: *Nobody
<R4dbutton>: *likes
<@Voyager> : *a
<Shakur> : *grammar
<cyclic> : *Nazi
<Lemmy> : ...
* GrammarNazi ;-p |
#114343 (373/453) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<shadowwire> I gave away ramen noodles, pork and beans, jello snacks, vienna sauseges, dollar bills and candy on halloween.
<shadowwire> the kids had their pick.
<shadowwire> You would be supprised how many kids took the ramen.
<shadowwire> I even had a pirate fight a spider man for a can of pork and beans.
<pelaofeliz> who won?
<shadowwire> the pirate. |
#297669 (511/623) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@baka> anyone here ever eaten sushi off a naked woman?
<Sloshed> no thanks
<@baka> i'm intrigued
<@Sadrak> I'd volunteer to do the dishes |
#279763 (592/724) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Infidel> hey i have about 50+ foreighn ips connected to my comp
<Infidel> should i be worried?
<Sky> what port, what protocol?
* Infidel hat die Verbindung getrennt (Ping timeout)
<Sky> yes, you should be worried. |
#300287 (587/717) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Toba> Note to self: check new boxers before wearing. I just found a 'quality control passed' sticker on my wang. |
#163702 (424/518) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Dexi> is it bad that I kinda maybe sorta have a little crush on this cute adorable funny goth chick with upwards of 37 piercings?
<Tiel> ...
<Dexi> a new one every week
<Tiel> and what attracts you to her?
<Tiel> did you swallow a magnet? |
#303990 (272/330) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<TheTJ> Have you ever been in a creepy place, like a school at night or an abondoned house, when the lights go out?
<TheTJ> Sometimes you might think you're in a horror movie and about to die/be killed.
<TheTJ> That occasionally happens to me
<TheTJ> My response?
<TheTJ> I sing heavily copyrighted songs so that whatever movie I may or may not be in couldn't afford my death scene |
#14967 (2323/2880) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<[Ht]Fro> Here in canada we have a special program to deal with the homeless...it's called winter |
#58745 (545/667) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Omi> I owned someone at work today
<Xa> How'd you manage that?
<Omi> He was pratting about chasing after the girls
<Omi> 'Cause he's a fucktard like that
<Omi> But he took his shoes off so he wouldnt make loud noises
<Omi> Which would attract the boss's attention
<Omi> So I nailed his shoes to the floor
<Xa> Rofl
<Omi> Someone said the boss was coming
<Omi> So he sprinted back to his shoes
<Omi> Jumped in them
<Omi> And then fell on his face when he tried to walk forward |
#304821 (290/352) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ackville> speaking of rediculous browsing habits
<ackville> I once saw a guy right click a link to a YouTube video, click Email Link, email it himself (default email client is Thunderbird), open Outlook, get the mail back in, copy the link, then paste it into a new tab
<ackville> had serious trouble sleeping after seeing that abomination
<ackville> I was tempted to intervene and ask what the hell he was doing, but I feared for the safety of my braincells |
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#60854 (9100/11338) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<dev-hda0> Damn... while coming home from the store, this drunk came up to me, and was like,
<dev-hda0> "Hey, you big black nigger! Loose-lips McGee, why don't you go back to your monkey relatives? Bet you couldn't even add 1 + 1."
<dev-hda0> And I calmly respond, "What's the derivative of cosecant(x)?"
<dev-hda0> he just replied, "fuck you" and left...
*** Join: Elexon
<Elexon> shit, I just got owned so badly by a black guy on the street... |
#53737 (457/559) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
leet42: someone at the fortune cookie company has a sense of humor
leet42: "the fortune you seek is in another cookie" |
#57086 (7940/9896) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@codstar> rice crispies and hangovers don't go together
<@codstar> first time ive ever told a bowl of cereal to stfu |
#296967 (545/669) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> The higher the IQ of the individual...
<Pryoidain> The more they enjoy watching a robot drive into a wall at top speed. |
#49442 (596/732) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<LOAF> So, I'm out back in the alley
<LOAF> I figure I'm alone, right
<LOAF> And it's completely dark
<LOAF> And I see a tiny round silhouette on the ground
<LOAF> Now, we've all been there: is it a coin or is it a splotch?
<LOAF> Do you bend over or don't you? What do you do? You have literally nanoseconds to figure it out.
<LOAF> But it was dark, damned dark, so the call was all the much harder.
<LOAF> And my brain gave the final instructions: coin, go for it, assume it is a coin.
<LOAF> And so I did.
<LOAF> And it was.
<LOAF> Which made me ever so pleased with myself
<LOAF> Which made me decide to do a little hop-and-spin and hold the coin up in the air
<LOAF> Which I did
<LOAF> And as I spun around and put the coin up in the air, there was a homeless guy digging through the dumpster, now staring at me.
<LOAF> And he clapped.
<LOAF> I offered him the coin, but he said I'd earned it. |
#142884 (2202/2736) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Elliotd123> How many members of a certain demographic does it take to screw in a light bulb?
<Elliotd123> A finite number. One to screw in the lightbulb, and the rest to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question. |
#61801 (597/733) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<descart3s> i heard some chick tell another chick to shut her "cock port" today
<descart3s> i almost died laughing |
#299911 (436/534) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< koala_man> after some future breakthroughs in robotics, but before the price has gone down, there is likely to be robotic brothels
< mawlipe> robot sex? that's scary.
< koala_man> I know, that's what I thought
< koala_man> but according to my calculations, a condom of normal thickness has a dielectric strength of at least 780V
< koala_man> meaning if the robot runs on mains and shorts out, you're still protected with a margin of nearly 500V
< mawlipe> .....not what I meant. |
#200090 (502/616) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<GreenCobra> We have a very simple policy here: arguing with the mods is allowed, winning an argument against the mods will get you banned. |
#300724 (1796/2230) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Shey>Hey John,some confused lady called the helpdesk that they've closed the nursery two hours ago or so,and if you are gonna pick up your daughter...
<John>Holy shit!
-!- John has quit
-!- Michael has quit
-!- Nobody has quit
-!- MoneyMaschine has quit
-!- Server has quit
-!- fightbot has quit
-!- Nobody has joined #techsupper
<Nobody>Shey,send us some network guys, John tripped over the switch cable and pulled the socket from the wall. |
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