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#301376 (451/589) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<slashproc> Oh, I was thinking AOL 9.1
<slashproc> ever run into anyone actually using it?
<argosy> Yes. Then I backed up and ran over them again.Comment: #css on Efnet
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#301369 (303/601) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<shinaku> My prediction is that in another ten years we will look back on this decade with 2020 hindsight. |
#301368 (397/537) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< samble> gah
< samble> documenting code is hard
< samble> i keep ending sentences with semicolons
< jbroome> #i don't really have that problem |
#301362 (173/393) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<abrn> lol I just opened this letter and its a subpoena for treason |
#301350 (293/441) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Tenoch_> eek an underscore
-!- Tenoch_ is now known as Tenoch
-!- subrime is now known as _
<_> Im free!Comment: #loveclub@irc.freenode.net
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#301332 (663/839) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
SoccerGirl114: Today, I was having sex with this guy at a party when out of no where he yells at the top of his lungs, "mortal kombat!".
SoccerGirl114: His friends yelled back, "finish her!" |
#301124 (591/807) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@DigDug> A girl in a bar said to me, "I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last person alive."
<@DigDug> Leaning over and whispering, I replied, "But who would be around to stop me?" |
#301012 (314/452) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<gloomp> isaacx, I have a challenge for you!
<isaacx> what?
<gloomp> Try going ten lines without using a question mark!
<isaacx> my lines?
<isaacx> or in total? |
#300997 (200/458) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Cylene> Why're they called boobies?
<Cylene> they should be called yaybies! |
#300788 (145/327) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* Now talking in #coding
<ih8censorship> so want to hear about how I got a date?
<ih8censorship> with a girl?
<Dr_BadSpoon> express it in C++
<ih8censorship> hm
<ih8censorship> class girl{
<ih8censorship> public:
<ih8censorship> void Computerbroken(){Goondatewithgeek();}
<ih8censorship> };
<ih8censorship> girl Erika;
<ih8censorship> Erika.Computerbroken();
<ih8censorship> Ih8censorship.mood("^_^"); |
#300741 (220/362) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<adimarco> it amuses me that, even when eating treats, cats just instinctively know to rapidly shake their head back and forth a few times to make sure the spine is broken.
<zinger> i do the same with donuts |
#299847 (157/295) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<nathan> What's so offensive about meatspin
<tonyb> Its one of two things
<tonyb> Either the ugly font
<tonyb> Or the spinning penis |
#299826 (110/276) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Hypnotek: Have you ever noticed the similarities between the daft punk Pyramid and the image on the back of the dollar bill?
John: They're pyramids. And both open up. That's about it.
John: Unless the dollar bill also has lasers, an attached HD LCD screen, neon lights, and a DJ booth inside as well.
Hypnotek: It should.
Hypnotek: Would make paying for things much more fun. |
#301278 (827/909) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<DaynaGirl> I had an app once... it adjusted your volume to full in all regards... then screamed out into the darkness "Hey!!! Look at me!!! I'm watching PORN over here!!!"
<DaynaGirl> then it kindly returned everything back to normal settings.
<reiser> hahaha DaynaGirl
<zarko> DaynaGirl: i believe i saw such a web site
<zarko> it opened dozens of windows, filled with gay porn, and played that msg repetitively
<zarko> well, it said "GAY porn"
<DaynaGirl> I thought it was so funny... I renamed it "DaynaNude.Exe" and kept a copy on the desktop.
<DaynaGirl> one night at about 2am... I'm awoken to the app playing...
<DaynaGirl> I rush out to my puter to find my mother turning forty shades of purple... |
#301051 (205/379) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Corey> Why is everyone in It's a Wonderful Life so stupid?
<Corey> Main character: Oh, I lost some money, got angry at my family and got hit by a guy. I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE.
<Corey> Clarence: I can show you how life was if you never existed.
<Corey> Main character: Why does nobody recognize me?!
<Corey> Clarence: Because in this reality, you don't exist.
<Corey> Main character: My wife and mother don't know me!
<Corey> Clarence: You.... don't exist.
<Corey> Main character: Why's the town have a different name?!
<Corey> Clarence: YOU. DON'T. EXIST.
<Corey> Main character: Where did my kids go?!
<Corey> Clarence: Fuck it, jump off the bridge, I don't care. |
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#301022 (978/1124) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Fraxtil> ugh
<Fraxtil> a bunch of mormons came to my door
<taiyal> lol
<Fraxtil> and I decided to listen to them
<taiyal> you didn't convert did you
<Fraxtil> fucking 15 minutes later they're done and I have a Book of Mormon and some pamphlets
<Fraxtil> haha no
<taiyal> I have a Book of Mormon
<taiyal> got it for free off the internet
<NitroX72> they can actually drag on that long?
<Fraxtil> yes, nitro
<taiyal> i've read most of the first book
<taiyal> you know what's even better
<taiyal> on the page of the Mormon website where you can request a free book
<taiyal> you can check a box saying that you would like to have a representative come to your door and explain to you
<taiyal> so you can essentially beam mormons at people |
#300571 (192/328) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<thetooth> you know what makes me angry?
(haro) thetooth, cavities? |
#301260 (1686/1858) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> Speaking of Legend of Zelda, I have a good story from last semester.
<Gimpy> Oh?
<Pryoidain> So I bought one of those Ocarina's from thinkgeek this passing summer. It comes with playing instructions and a bunch of other stuff.
<Pryoidain> Including instructions on how to play songs from zelda.
<Pryoidain> well, I woke up one morning and realized I had a midterm exam in a class I hadn't been to in like three weeks. I figure "I'm gonna fail anyways, so I might as well get a good laugh out of it."
<Pryoidain> So I go in, and the prof picks up the exams and asks if there are any last minute questions before the midterm.
<Pryoidain> and I stand up in class and go "MIDTERM?! NO, THIS CANNOT BE!" and pulled out the ocarina and played the song of time on it.
<Pryoidain> The prof actually had to set the papers down he was laughing so hard. he then gave me a 72 hour extension before I had to take it again.
<Pryoidain> Someone else in class asked for an extension, and the prof proceded to chew them out for asking for more time.
<Gimpy> Oh god, the only thing that could make that any better is if someone yelled "DAWN OF DAY ONE. 72 HOURS REMAIN"
<Pryoidain> Well someone did ask if that was real time or game time. Luckily for me, he said real time... |
#301230 (357/547) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<coil> i dont like what bleeds
<ShadowHntr> did i just wreck your haiku?
<[1NF0]> you got the center |
#301226 (315/499) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<crschmidt> twitter is terrible
<crschmidt> but i use it as well
<crschmidt> i, in fact, twitterd from the altar, when I got married
<crschmidt> and 6 phones in the audience went off |
#301224 (1032/1132) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Arang> I hate when I have to turn off a computer by holding the power button
<Arang> it just feels way too visceral
<Arang> like I'm holding a pillow over its head
<Arang> "ARANG WHYYYGHGHGHBLGBHGBL"
<Arang> "mfff mfffffff"
<Fax> *windows sound* |
#301221 (407/545) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ccr> the thing about JVM is that it will almost never free memory it has once allocated from host. it has, at least historically, been a mistake to run anything else than one Java-based service per server instance.
<Chainsaw> Indeed. The memory allocation strategy of Java can be described in 3 words.
<Chainsaw> Nom nom nom. |
#300676 (153/271) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ardchoille> Think I found a bug in the space time continuum.
<ardchoille> I put movies in the mailbox at 14:00 yesterday and Netflix has already received the movies.. it's 09:29 today.
<ardchoille> And the mail schedule for that mailbox says mail is picked up at 10:30 daily, except Sunday
<felipe> that's not bad. you could exploit that and return them before you rent them and not have to pay for any of it |
#300665 (364/582) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Curtain> Oh man, Tiger Woods got in a car accident, apparently.
<Rimiru> That's not good D:
<Rimiru> oh oh wait wait
<Rimiru> Curtain, after hearing that, you might deduce...
* Rimiru shades
<Rimiru> That he wasn't a very good driver.
<Rimiru> YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH
<Kevin> rofl
<Curtain> I'm not talking to you anymore. |
#300537 (393/559) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
bobthekiller: i make your mom wine bitch
BadSpoon: that's nice of you |
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