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#307530* (?/34) ⚐Flag
MichaelXX2_: College is great
MichaelXX2_: Just don't fuck yourself
MichaelXX2_: Then things get really really bad
BlueProtoman: Fuck myself? In what way? You mean "don't neglect coursework"?
MichaelXX2_: Well there's that
MichaelXX2_: Very much so
MichaelXX2_: And also be sure not to masturbate in the middle of class during a wild hallucination brought on by a lack of sleep
MichaelXX2_: That's not good either
BlueProtoman: Noted.Comment: #openpandora on Freenode
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#307798* (?/34) ⚐Flag
<vera> i always ask them if they are having an abortion first because it was awkward that one time i was like look heres your baby and heres his heart beating and she was like ok can you take it out of meComment: Vera is a doctor.
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#308071* (?/34) ⚐Flag
<nerdguy> so the new headlight was $1170
<nerdguy> plus labor
<nerdguy> though
<nerdguy> they threw in a free lube job
<ct> so, they fucked you up the ass, but it's cool because they brought the lube? |
#307117* (?/34) ⚐Flag
<Q-Stone> woot now I have 2.5 GB of space on Dropbox!
* BadMojo starts downloading Q-Stone's stuff from Dropbox. Man, nothing but horse porn.
<Q-Stone> Encrypted horse porn!
<BadMojo> If it was encrypted, how would I know what it is?
<Q-Stone> By the file name: horseporn12.enc
<Switchbreak> badmojo knows an encrypted horse when he sees one
<Switchbreak> just has to glance at the data
<Q-Stone> He can tell from the bits
<BadMojo> It's like the matrix.
<Q-Stone> He doesn't even see the code anymore, just Arabian, Clydesdale, QuarterComment: #gwj on quakenet
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#306129* (?/34) ⚐Flag
<HunterX11> and apparently amazon.com sells sex toys
<HunterX11> including "used and new" prices |
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Open call for science fiction prose/art
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#303141* (?/27) ⚐Flag
jjcm | So
jjcm | My roomate just got a speaker upgrade in his car
jjcm | And he's taking this girl on a date and is pretty pumped to show off the new system
jjcm | However, me, being the glorious ass that I am, can't let this opportunity for evil go to waste.
jjcm | So I lifted his ipod
jjcm | deleted all the music on it
jjcm | and loaded up 13 glorious albums of Hanson oni t.
jjcm | Tomorrow when he goes to blast the beats to make sweet, sweet love by - it'll only be 13 year old white boys serenading him. |
#306781* (?/27) ⚐Flag
< CoJaBo> I keep getting dates FARRR into BCE... Unless the cavemen formatted their paintings as JPEG, I'm pretty sure that is wrong -_-'Comment: #On decoding EXIF tags.
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#299915* (?/27) ⚐Flag
<jbenedetto> However. Being Americans we even bastardized the metric system
<jbenedetto> 'Hybrid units'
<jbenedetto> Power per unit length from a nuclear reactor fuel rod: kilowatts per foot
<jbenedetto> Caffeine in beverages: milligrams per ounce
<jbenedetto> America, If it aint tied down, we will steal it and bastardize it.
<jbenedetto> See Also: English.
<pjustice> "English follows other languages down dark alleys, knocks them over, and goes through their pockets for loose grammar."
<PhotoJim> America and England: two nations divided by a single language. |
#300004* (?/27) ⚐Flag
<@Tsunami> well this was fun, now I have to go work again...
* @Tsunami waves
<KingJ> tsunami waves, the channel drowns |
#307548* (?/47) ⚐Flag
<@Mr_Shifty> This is not the grammar you were looking for.
<@hackess> This is not the grammar for which I was looking.
<@Mr_Shifty> That's what I meant. |
#306416* (?/47) ⚐Flag
<daisyrawks> your interwebs still down jake?
<jakekosberg> yea :/
<jakekosberg> my brother pirated terarria and gave it to me
<jakekosberg> its awesome
<jakekosberg> definitely buying it when i get internet
<IBitePrettyHard> what's that
<vsTerminus> It's a series of tubes, but that's not important right now. |
#306947* (?/40) ⚐Flag
<remm> my god. TF2 wants to do a 10GB update
<xwd> that's a lot of hats
<incluye> at least 4 |
#306959* (?/40) ⚐Flag
Mew: "what do you do with a dead chemist?" "BARIUM!"
Mew: k im done failing
bryan: lol thats a tin on my scale
Mew: I do not know how to react to this |
#295307* (?/40) ⚐Flag
Francis: Someday, I'm going to rule the internet with an iron fist
Duo: not with a name like Francis.
apples: rofl
Duo: more like a delicately manicured, leather-gloved hand
StoneCypher: lightly perfumed
Duo: and lotioned. |
#306600* (?/40) ⚐Flag
Chompmancobra: Daave got butter poisoning
Rakysh: that's a thing?
Chompmancobra: it would seem to be
Chompmancobra: he got a plate of chips and cheese, and some bread and butter
Rakysh: not big on his fruit is daave?
Chompmancobra: there was a great deal of butter so he decided to spread some on the chips
Chompmancobra: at which point I pointed out that if even a deeply Scottish person like me thought his meal was unhealthy, it was probably a bad idea |
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The London Vandal Store, you should check it out.
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#307112* (?/40) ⚐Flag
<Snooper> Shade: I like my women how I like my coffee.
<Snooper> I don't like coffee.
<Snooper> Makes me sick. :cComment: Snooper is incredibly homosexual
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#302879* (?/12) ⚐Flag
<pappy> so the other day i was putting my balls into these beer bottles
<pappy> and heating them up with lighters
<pappy> well apparently I didn't have a dry one
<pappy> and it steamed the beer and burned my nuts
<pappy> and now every time I take off my clothes it smells like an old bar |
#302415* (?/12) ⚐Flag
<basstard> i bet you can't go 5 minutes without cussing
<@Digga> fuck you i could go all night
<basstard> HA
<@Digga> oh pickles |
#308090* (?/12) ⚐Flag
<+CampGareth> I <3 mah thinkpad, hotswap drive bay? Awesome
<+CampGareth> not that I need to swap it hotly, but the hole does make a good phone holder |
#302576* (?/12) ⚐Flag
<TonyTheFox> my nose vibrates a lot when i sneeze XD
<meanderLap> lmao what
<TonyTheFox> it does XD
<meanderLap> get some tuning forks or a microphone or seismic sensor, pinpoint the frequency at which it resonates
<meanderLap> and then tell me what that resonant frequency is
<meanderLap> because then id add a carrier at that frequency or one of its harmonics to every mp3 i sent you so when you listened your nose would gently vibrate throughout the whole thing
<meanderLap> OR you could configure all bass frequency to be re-routed through that, so itd be like a bult in bass shaker
<meanderLap> OR OR OR
<meanderLap> you could generate it at 180 degree phase so it would cancel out your nose-blow-vibrationsComment: #equilibrium
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#305698* (?/53) ⚐Flag
<Welsh> My shop sells Ubuntu cola
<Rogue> does it taste like mtn. dew
<Welsh> nah, it's like super market cola, but open source
<Cial> sudo apt-get refill
<Rogue> I wonder what iCola would be like...
<dothacker> vile
<Rogue> $30 per can, and it would require an iOpener to open. The iOpener would only allow access to 5 soda cans. If you attempted to open a can without an iOpener, it would brick itself. As in, it would literally turn into a solid chunk of rock.
<Cial> one per customer, warranty void if handled, and it can only be stored in an apple fridge
<dothacker> you forgot the part where it advertised 16 oz. but was only 8 oz full
<Welsh> the bottle design changes every week, making it cost $5 more
<Rogue> The bottom of the can would be convex, because concave bottoms are too difficult to use
<dothacker> costs pennies to produce, sold at 4000% profit |
#303741* (?/53) ⚐Flag
<Nicky> Hey, cool, I discovered I can turn off my mouse by the "remove hardware" windows thing :D
<Nicky> wait... crap |
#303294* (?/46) ⚐Flag
<@neoalligator> ># Coffee drinkers have more sex than non-coffee drinkers. They also enjoy it more.
<@neoalligator> take that
<@neoalligator> tea drinking pansies
<&Ghostlyy> huh?
<&Ghostlyy> what's that?
<&Ghostlyy> I can't hear you over the sound of realisation that sluts drink coffee
<&Ghostlyy> whilst classy people drink tea
<@neoalligator> .....
<@neoalligator> shit |
#305903* (?/46) ⚐Flag
<bucketmouse> you heard about her birthday right
<stef> no
<bucketmouse> he didn't mention it at all so she asked a mutual friend of theirs
<bucketmouse> the dude tipped her of that he was talking about throwing her a portal themed birthday party
<bucketmouse> so she gets overly excited/hopeful thinking it's going to be romantic or something
<stef> portal isn't romantic though
<bucketmouse> so on the day of she wakes up, he's at work, she walks into the kitchen
<stef> this is going to be terrible isnt it
<bucketmouse> on the counter there's a cheap dollar-store helium balloon, a joint, and a box of debbie crocker cake mix
<bucketmouse> and a scrap of paper reading: 'u will be baked then there will be cake'Comment: she dumped him over this
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#303936* (?/33) ⚐Flag
<Chousho> I wish I could give people my tiredness
<Chousho> like I touch your head and I'm half as tired as I was and you inherit the other half
<Chousho> then I touch someone else and we all are 33% of my tiredness
<Chousho> how cool would that be?
<Chroder> id just constantly go downtown and touch homeless men and id probably get arrested |
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