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#235037 (581/753) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(@Iridium) I had a weird dream last night.
(@Iridium) similar to the email shit, a paparazzo managed to get high res, incontrovertible pictures of Sarah Palin on a farm fucking a horse.
(Lid) she was fucking the horse? as in she was wearing a strap on behind a mare?
(@Iridium) No, she was up under him.
(@Iridium ) I kinda figured normal people wouldn't be concerned with the details of that part. |
#301634 (573/713) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Ucota> So I've learned watching TV with pry isn't a good idea.
<asaph> Oh?
<Ucota> Well you know how he's gonna be a Medical Examiner right?
<Ucota> Dr. G came on, he flips to it
<Ucota> This guy had his colon contents empty into his bowels, he has a hernia, the chick is cutting into the guys scrotal sack
<cjk> OH GOD.
<Ucota> I know, but pry is just STARING at the screen going "I bet it is trauma induced hernial hemorrhaging that led to sepsis and that caused the heart attack.." or some shit
<asaph> did he even flinch when she said scrotal sack?
<Ucota> Fuck no, he was like nose length away from the TV, Like he was trying to see the other side of the camera.
<asaph> wow.
-!- Joins: Pryoidain
<cjk> Dude you're a fucking weirdo
<asaph> I have no words for you today, pry.
<Pryoidain> ...What the fuck did i miss?
<Ucota> I told them about when we watched Dr. G
<Pryoidain> Oh the Scrotal Sack one? That was cool. |
#87607 (572/710) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+r4v5> so i just learned that hank aaron was black
<+aydiosmio> was?
<+aydiosmio> he's still alive
<+r4v5> i just learned that hank aaron is alive |
#302934 (570/708) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Ted: Usually we get a virga rainfall here.
bob read that as viagra rainfall
ErinH: lol
Ted: sigh, bob
ian: "if you have rainfall lasting more than 4 hours, contact your weatherman"
Ted: heh
MichelleH: dare I ask what virga rainfall is?
bob: gah. now I have "it's raining men" stuck in my head
Ted: it's rain that evaporates before hitting the ground
ErinH: cool
bob: heh. premature evaporation. |
#294457 (570/772) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<khonsu> I dunno, I gave up on the LoTR books :P
<Madda> Oh
<Madda> Yeah, but that's understandable
<Madda> Tolkien makes wonderful worlds.
<Madda> But in terms of actually writing the stories?
<Madda> He's not so good.
<Valtieri> Madda: And goes on about 'em for 50 pages :P
<Madda> So, yeah, like, they were travelling.
<Madda> It was a clear day.
<Madda> The sun was high in the sky.
<Madda> The road they were walking on was lined with trees.
<Madda> The trees? They were like elm or something.
<Madda> Oh? What's on them? Well...
<Madda> It's like an uneventful part of a D&D game being run by a good DM but with a bunch of paranoid players.
<khonsu> hahaha
<khonsu> perfect
<Madda> "What does the road look like? IT'S A FUCKING ROAD, JUST GET ON WITH THE ADVENTURE!" |
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Open call for science fiction prose/art
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#117878 (570/692) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<timelyx> can someone explain how to use wikipedia in a foreign language? :)
<max> timelyx: navegar simplemente a wikipedia.org y seleccionar tu lengua |
#59014 (570/696) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Azio> Be wary of SEO firms that send you email out of the blue.
<Azio> Amazingly, we get these spam emails too:
<Azio> "Dear google.com,
<Azio> I visited your website and noticed that you are not listed in most of the major search engines and directories..." |
#56459 (570/680) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@the_unknown> watching the history channel, tis a show on "the antichrist"
<@the_unknown> just went to a commericial break with the messag
<@the_unknown> message
<@the_unknown> "The antichrist is brought to you by Lexus"
<@bockman> haha |
#76605 (568/776) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@big_al> .
<Loki1> good point |
#302050 (567/729) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Beanuritos> No way, I'm lazier than any of you.
<zetatech> i was so lazy earlier that while masturbating i just pretended i came
<Beanuritos> ...
<MorkDB> ...
<Beanuritos> respect |
#59016 (566/692) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<FuriKuri> How do I turn off those stupid red lines in Microsoft Word?
<Chu> Type correctly?Comment: #nintendo @ irc.chatspike.net
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#20 (566/1041) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Dr_DOS> My fish get scared of pizza boxes.
<Dr_DOS> They think they're giant borg ships or smth
<repp0r> Don't put an anchovie pizza near your fish. |
#61355 (565/671) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<mack> i totally got pwned by a spider this morning
<mack> there has been this garden spider living in the kitchen of my house, and i don't care because when summer nears it gets hot so flies come in and bug me...so i let him stay
<mack> so anyways. i wake up and grab my smokes and head for the sliding door to go out and have a smoke
<mack> i'm two feet away from the door when i walk into his web, and it scares the shit out of me cause i'm still half asleep
<mack> i stumble back and bump into the couch, flip over it as i lose my footing, and my legs crash into the coffee table, effectively splitting it in two
<mack> i'm laying there figuring out what just happened, and the spider bites my nose!
<mack> like HE'S having a bad day :/ |
#71165 (564/706) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Yahovah> bsmntbombdood: I have a new nickname for you. Captain Oblivious.
<bsmntbombdood> I don't get it
<Yahovah> Exactly. |
#31 (564/1410) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<EM[mMF]> man
<EM[mMF]> unix manuals would be so much cooler
<EM[mMF]> if they had porn in them
<EM[mMF]> like "Basics of the Bash Shell"
<EM[mMF]> <LESBIAN PORN>
<EM[mMF]> i'd read that shit |
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sadhat: low-noise, high-signal news
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#74549 (563/729) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<cached> What do you get when you cross a polar bear and a seal?
<cached> A polar bear. |
#56396 (563/681) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<predation> so I'm at work and this kid rings the bell on the counter RIGHT behind me
<predation> the kid goes "SORRY" when I turn around
<predation> kid's mom goes "sorry isn't an excuse when you do something stupid on purpose"
<predation> i'm putting it on a t-shirt |
#74528 (562/712) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
ETJ> Okay.
ETJ> My sister is going to be the worst driver ever
ETJ> She was apparently in the parking lot of a church I used to go to practicing.
ETJ> HUge as hell parking lot, completely deserted except for one bus.
Ariana> she hit the bus?
ETJ> She not only crashes into the bus, but crashes into it backing up at 7MPH
Ariana> did she drive away?
ETJ> That's the kicker.
Kyle> ...
ETJ> She freaked out, and stepped on the gas.
ETJ> ...While still in reverse. |
#247109 (561/781) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Skittles_Goddess> it takes some guts to be the small penis guy
<@teejay> you have no idea
<@teejay> oh shit |
#140454 (561/929) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<1moreplz> having sex during a thunderstorm rocks. you can pretent you're taking part in the conception of the antichrist |
#74243 (561/779) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Omi> My brother thought it'd be funny to take keys from my keyboard and put them around the house
<Omi> And where he hid them depended on the key, so it was relevant in some way
<Omi> So he put the 'T' in the kitchen
<Omi> The up arrow on some porn mags
<Omi> The insert key in my stash of condoms
<Omi> The 'P' key in the bathroom
<Omi> The Print Screen key beside the digital camera
<Omi> The Delete key in the bin
<Omi> And the Escape key on an old French holiday brochure |
#79876 (560/764) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<forestcre> girls don't have colons or farts or poos
<winry> of course they dont
<winry> we never do that
<forestcre> that's why girls are full of shitComment: ...got me a kickban.
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#35690 (560/768) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<DiKKy> _________________________________________
<DiKKy> / LOL THE HOLY COW WANTS TO COVER U IN \
<DiKKy> | THE FILTYH STINKING SPERM IT CARRIES IN |
<DiKKy> \ ITS GIGANTIC PENIS /
<DiKKy> -----------------------------------------
<DiKKy> \ ^__^
<DiKKy> \ (oo)\_______
<DiKKy> (__)\ )\/\
<DiKKy> ||----w |
<DiKKy> || ||
<Geoffd1> cows are female, idiot |
#115 (559/737) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<BlackDeth> i like stalked this girl sorta :D
<BlackDeth> like once she asked me for a ride home from work
<BlackDeth> and i took her home... i dropped her off at her house
<BlackDeth> and shes like... wait a minute..how did you know where i lived? |
#101951 (558/736) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<michael__> can someone help me with my internet coennection
<Khrajin> michael__: I assure you it is working.Comment: #ubuntu
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