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#60621 (8373/9509) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Knightmare> Well that was obvious.
<Tuborg> ?
<Knightmare> Guy in a cubicle a couple feet away from me stands up and asks aloud if anyone has a Starcraft CD Key.
<Tuborg> Heh.
<Tuborg> I'm guessing he got a good talking to by your manager?
<Knightmare> The floor supervisor told him where to download a no-cd crack.
<Tuborg> Can I fax you my resume? |
#295480 (1429/1615) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<@Tenor> 'Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML'
<@Tenor> I'm going to be that type of parent
<@hsimah> who would have sex with you? |
#31247 (3087/3505) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Supra87T> aw, for shits sake!
<Snipa> what?
<Supra87T> remember sarah? well, the other night we fucked, and now i have to get tested for aids.
<Snipa> Think positive
<Supra87T> fuck you man, thats not even funny |
#68894 (770/868) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<sysv> omg i was so fucking stoned yesterday
<sysv> got off the wrong level on the lift at work today
<sysv> all the floors have the same layout, and the tech center is in the same place per each floor
<sysv> so i goes and gets off at some chinese engineering level in our building
<sysv> walk into the office, through the office, and sit down in my chair in the server room
<sysv> i'm like "My, this chair is so comfy!... When did we upgrade our servers to Quad Xeon's?"...
<sysv> and people are coming to me asking for help, so I'm helping and shit, doing my job...
<sysv> 4 hours into it, someone asks me if I'm Guy Yee's assistant... and I'm like "who the fuck is Guy Yee?"...
<sysv> things went downhill from there, once they realized (and i realized) I didn't work on that level
<sysv> but they were happy to pay me for my 4 hours of time, and send me on my way down the lift to my companies level... i was wonderin why everyone was so fucking nice to me
<sysv> -_- |
#80675 (13765/15707) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Turkeyslam> oh man I saw pure gold at lunch, I was sitting near this group of black guys at a table and they all had tucked in shirts and shit, looked educated, I think they were studying calculus or something
<Turkeyslam> and across from there, there was another table with a bunch of white guys, all ghetto looking, three of them wore fucking grills, sagging pants, and one was playing some 50 cent ringtone or some shit
<Turkeyslam> going "yeah boiiii"
<Turkeyslam> and one of the black guys in the table next to me muttered "fucking niggers"
<Turkeyslam> I choked on my fucking jolt cola |
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#56878 (2638/2994) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Turtles> I really wouldn't mind if an old lady took a dump on my chest.
<Lovespuds> ...
<Lovespuds> ...Dude.
<Turtles> Er.
<Turtles> That was the wrong window.
<Lovespuds> Turtles, there is no such thing as the right window for that. |
#234804 (3344/3798) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<vdou|> cat is a catnip junkie
<vdou|> she loves rubbing her face in it
<vdou|> i thought it was weird
<vdou|> until I imagined what I would do with pot if I didnt have thumbs or fire |
#70207 (708/798) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<LycoLoco> My son has a gameboy advance, and he blows on the cartidges when they don't work. The funny thing, is that this was not taught to him. He just did it on instinct, which leads me to believe that this behavior is inherited not learned. It seems that I've blown into so many nintendo cartridges, that it has changed my DNA... |
#65605 (843/951) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Burningmace> I had a customer in hysterics today at work
<+KPR> how come?
<Burningmace> Well, we sell lots of things that have different types, so sometimes you can buy assorted packs
<Burningmace> He was buying some flavoured condoms... assorted ones, so the computer automatically prepends "Assorted" to the start of it
<Burningmace> So I put it through and hand him the reciept and he checks it and starts laughing
<+KPR> huh?
<Burningmace> I took a look at the reciept, and because the line didn't fit on the paper, it'd truncated the first word.
<Burningmace> So he'd bought some Ass Flavoured Condoms.Comment: It's a laugh a minute at Lidl
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#56396 (580/652) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<predation> so I'm at work and this kid rings the bell on the counter RIGHT behind me
<predation> the kid goes "SORRY" when I turn around
<predation> kid's mom goes "sorry isn't an excuse when you do something stupid on purpose"
<predation> i'm putting it on a t-shirt |
#143212 (701/789) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<AllAgesDave> There are two seniors in here reading a copy of A Catcher in the Rye, and debating the meaning of the word "illiterate."
<AllAgesDave> One is saying it means "literature" and the other says it means "insane".
<Dre> :-[
<AllAgesDave> They just decided upon "language." Fuck my generation. |
#136814 (2490/2826) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<thefiddler> Holy sonofabitch.
<thefiddler> I think my editor is flirting with me.
* thefiddler frowns
<Uhmerwell> ...Notepad?
<thefiddler> Errr.
<Uhmerwell> oh, you mean a human
<Uhmerwell> don't you :< |
#133573 (2720/3090) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
(meander) Newfoundland is like calling a place Untitled Document
(meander) i bet its the default name for discovered land
(meander) and they just clicked Ok
(meander) now all other countries have to start out as Newfoundland 2 |
#118241 (2507/2845) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Ves> Curt teh Juggler: our graduation ceremony was today, and right when some gamer nerd got his diploma, someone in the audience played the zelda "get item" music and he did the zelda spin-hold-out-item stance
<Ves> Curt teh Juggler: it was quite possibly the most amazing thing ever.Comment: #dirt - Timboss
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#297725 (973/1099) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<CShadowRun> windows keeps telling me i might be a victim of software counterfeiting :(
<CShadowRun> i don't think of myself as a victim, more of a benificiary |
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Syswear: Geek & Gamer T-shirts. Discount code QDBREADER
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#299795 (1814/2060) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<popemichael> I was in line to buy a new DVD player. The woman in front of me was having something delivered.
<popemichael> The clerk asked for her 'street name' she replied "I don't have one I go by Shanice." |
#150311 (945/1069) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
l70uke: network connections says it cant find an IP address
dbbolton: open a web browser and type 192.168.1.1 in the address bar
dbbolton: what happens
l70uke: "please enter disk into drive a"
dbbolton: what the FUCK |
#297266 (808/914) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Warchamp7> The other day at work, two of my bosses were trying to find each other in the office
<Warchamp7> And they were yelling "Ping!" back and forth
<Warchamp7> It was one of the greatest moments of my lifeComment: #MAGFest on irc.vgmusic.net
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#78929 (730/824) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<riko> dammit this has gotta stop.
<Baph> ?
<riko> my stepdad's been using my computer, going on porn, and saving it onto my desktop with the filenames set as numbers so i don't know what it is and i have to click on it to check.
<Baph> I thought your stepdad was gay?
<riko> precisely. |
#90232 (2764/3150) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<john1> hey how do i send a pm? :)
<john1> guys?
<quit> put a / before target's name then your message
*** john1 has quit IRC (like this? :))
<Karg> ...Oh man.
<Karg> That was almost too perfect. |
#229087 (856/968) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<%kimini> best toilet graffiti i've ever seen
<%kimini> "I hate 2 things in life; irony and graffiti"
<%kimini> i shat myself laughing
<%kimini> but i was in the toilet, so it was ok. |
#237793 (728/824) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
JZarnecki: So I hooked up with a girl for the first time in like a year. She wasn't anything great to look at, but I'll take what I can get.
JZarnecki: Her occupation was USPS delivery.
JZarnecki: We eventually get down to business and I'm fucked up drunk and wearing a condom, but still manage to cum almost immediately because it had been so long. I pumped like 8 times it was terrible. She was pissed
JZarnecki: Anyways, the next day when i wake up shes already gone and i shit you not, there is a "Failure to Deliver" notice from her stuck on my door.
EJAYwarrior42: Give me her new number, I need to invite her to the league of internet superheroes. |
#236280 (486/548) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Upthorn> The place I lived on the outskirts of baltimore had good sound insulation
<superjupi> I'd give two ovaries and most of a kitten to have good sound insulation
<BagOfMagicFood> If I type this many letters then it lines up good sound insulation |
#273721 (2489/2847) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
chewypow: so when i worked at Starbucks in little rock, there was this super hot 18 year old, miss teen usa right
chewypow: she came in one day and was talking to me and told me when she was brushing her hair that morning, a lot of it came out.. she then continues to explain that she thought she had 'chemo'
chewypow: a week later she comes in and uses some mouthwash, and then swallows it. I point out to her that it says on the back if accidently swallowed to call poison control immediately
chewypow: she reads the label and looks at me and says "Oh.. it's ok. I didn't do it on accident"
muku: ...
chewypow: exactly. brain synapses stop firing when you hear this story right?Comment: Sadly a true story
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#76413 (2459/2811) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
< Swuave> Scopophobia is a fear of being looked at.
< Swuave> LOL, i'de like to see someone with that fear.
<@SantaBJ> they wouldn't. |
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