|
TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..3456789..559Next> |
#297918 (900/1022) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Fyad> When I bought siemens cellphone, siemens sold its cellular section. When I bought yakumo screen, yakumo got bunkrupt. When I bought fujitsu-siemens laptop, siemens sold its share.
<Fyad> Just curious what to buy next...
<r_heart> apple
<hoobsta> Apple
<sailo> apple |
#283880 (906/1030) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
Her: please answer honestly, yes or no, k?
Him: Go on.
Her: why do people make fun of blondes?
Him: Yes. |
#54088 (10026/11536) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Dogan> GUYS, STORY TIME
<Dogan> SO my teacher's friend's friend or something
<Dogan> She was dogsitting one day
<Dogan> Shows up the first time, finds the dog dead on the floor, right?
<Nightryde> how embarrassing
<Dogan> SO she's gotta pack the dog corpse up and take it to the vet so they can dispose of it or whatever
<Dogan> She can't find anything to fit it in, so she stuffs it in a freaking SUITCASE
<Dogan> She didn't have a car so she has to take the train through Chicago
<Zeelot> oh mannnn
<Dogan> This guy helps her carry the case on and is like
<Dogan> "this is pretty heavy, what's in it?"
<Dogan> lady replies "just some computer things"
<Dogan> the guy SOCKS HER IN THE FACE AND RUNS OFF WITH THE CASE
<joebot> ROFLMAO ROFLROFLROFL!!!
<Zeelot> OMG ROOOOOOOOOFL
<Nightryde> AHAHAHAHAHAHA HOW would you pawn that sort of thing???Comment: True story.
|
#121252 (901/1025) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<StarRinger> I just thought of something
<StarRinger> when you download stuff online, its pirating
<StarRinger> but when pirates steal something, its noisy and brash with many dead bodies and cannonfire and immediate seizing of property
<StarRinger> if anything, downloading things on the internet, silently it by bit? its more like ninjaing
<narg_smash> Piracy! YAR
<StarRinger> you can start calling it piracy the day someone sends a cannonball into the RIAA building
<narg_smash> I accept your challenge, sir.
<StarRinger> Excellent. |
#144904 (2140/2456) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<C-Johnson> holy shit
<C-Johnson> 420,000 people without power in miami
* C-Johnson has quit (Read error: Operation timed out)
<phlux> 420,001* |
|
Open call for science fiction prose/art
|
#95752 (2465/2833) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<mongrethod> the highschool journalism website i run gets 50k hits monthly
<mongrethod> and I was really happy about that
<mongrethod> until I looked at our search keyphrase hits
<mongrethod> top category that wasn't "other"
<mongrethod> "Paly Boy"
<mongrethod> My school is named paly
<mongrethod> so I was thinking
<mongrethod> hmm thats odd
<mongrethod> then it hit me
<mongrethod> rearrange the a and the l
<mongrethod> I haven't had the heart to tell my staff |
#78374 (2590/2972) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<tag> I remember we had this customer support irc channel at my last company (on a private server, of course), and we had this "AI" bot that would try to build sentences and statements out of things people said
<tag> we also, in idle times, used the IRC channel to discuss various things
<tag> one day a customer came in, and they were like "Why can't I see my referring URL for traffic coming from this link?" And the bot said, "Because of those stupid fucking niggers"
<tag> we had to kill it |
#118822 (894/1020) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
cycon365: autistic kids rock
cycon365: we're all afraid of him shooting us, so we take that into account and just try to talk and joke with him
cycon365: he talked with us and our teacher and kept making "your mom" jokes
kyo212: lawl
cycon365: we got tired of him talking in general so we tried to curb his "mom" jokes
cycon365: so we were like, "dude, you shouldn't make fun of people's moms, my mom could be dead"
cycon365: and the kid goes, "no she's not", so i look at him and go, "oh yeah, how do you know"
cycon365: and he quickly replies, "cuz she was awesome in bed last night"
kyo212: gawd, you got pwned by an autistic kid |
#102697 (1920/2202) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Rowan> gonna go to the store when it opens and buy some caffiene/caffeine
<&segosa> caffeine.
<Kotjze> i before e except in a lot of words
<&segosa> or you could just know how to spell words and not require stupid rules
<Kotjze> exactly
<Rowan> i dont think ive spelled that word much
<Rowan> and i keep running into words that ARENT I before E
<Rowan> like weird, atheist, broom
<Kotjze> broom? |
#105771 (835/953) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<alpha>: girls that care about money don't interest me
<alpha>: girls smarter than me do
<Bryant>: girls smarter than you hide their interest in money
<Bryant>: and you cant tell
<Bryant>: because they're smarter than you |
#104056 (926/1056) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Spy^> Can someone help me plz ?
<ViciousPotato> As a great man once said
<ViciousPotato> If you say 'plz' because it's shorter than 'please', I'll say 'no' because it's shorter than 'yes'.
<Spy^> lol
<Spy^> can someone help me please -_- |
#56459 (574/652) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<@the_unknown> watching the history channel, tis a show on "the antichrist"
<@the_unknown> just went to a commericial break with the messag
<@the_unknown> message
<@the_unknown> "The antichrist is brought to you by Lexus"
<@bockman> haha |
#235178 (654/744) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
(Bubbles) diabetes...anemia...depression...alzheimers...is there any shitty disease I'm not going to be predisposed to?
(Alex) well
(Alex) STDs |
#304344 (324/366) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Foone> my oatmeal is impressive
<Foone> it has separate instructions for making oatmeal with 1 packet or with 2 packets
<Foone> if you want to make it with 1 packet, you pour into a bowl and add 1/2 cup of hot water and stir
<mathrick> hahah, what?
<Foone> if you want to make it with 2 packets, you pour into a bowl and add 1 cup of hot water and stir
<Foone> I THINK I COULD HAVE FIGURED OUT THE SECOND ONE ON MY OWN
<mathrick> no twist ending?
<Foone> NOPE
<Foone> they don't provide instructions for making it with 3 packets, though
<Foone> but they provide a number to call with questions
<mathrick> DO IT |
#187177 (692/790) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<steven> ok, burning 2 CDs and then we're off to the hospital to have a baby |
|
The Preferences page allows you to disable these links and much more!
|
#61997 (595/679) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Vagrant> hey everyone
<Vagrant> I love you all
<Dylan> d'aww
<Vagrant> We may have our differences but in the end I know that you guys are friends for life
<Inkblot> I love you too,stranger?
<Goat> That really means a lot coming from you.
<hambone> thnx Vaggie :)
<Vagrant> fuck
<Vagrant> I was typing on the wrong line
<Vagrant> I wasn't talking to you bastards |
#297775 (1197/1375) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Pryoidain> Did I tell you guys my cop story?
<asaph> No, Pry.
<Pryoidain> Okay so..
<Pryoidain> I get hungry one day, and I tell my mom I'm heading out.
<Pryoidain> She tells me to pick up a watermelon from the farmer's market while i'm out.
<Pryoidain> So I do, and I notice the KFC across the street is open.
<Pryoidain> Being someone who pays very close attention to gas usage, I make the logical choice and get some KFC.
<cjk> ...oh boy...
<Pryoidain> Yep. I turn down king and flip the radio dial, and during my fumbling I speed up to 55.
<Pryoidain> King is a 45.
<Pryoidain> so I fly by this cop, who promptly pulls me over.
<Pryoidain> The cop...is BLACK.
<Pryoidain> He walks up to the window, and asks the question.
<Pryoidain> "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
<Pryoidain> I just...leaned back so he could see the watermelon and the fried chicken in the passenger seat.
<Pryoidain> the cop damn near pissed himself laughing. He laughed for a solid five minutes.
<Pryoidain> I then...got off...WITHOUT A TICKET. |
#300697 (901/1033) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Green> So I got in my car
<Green> and there was birdshit on my windsheild
<Green> so i got a paper towel and got out to wipe it off
<Green> but it wouldn't come off
<Green> and thats when I realized it was on the INSIDE
<Green> I had a hard time getting to sleep that night |
#230078 (669/765) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<heros> LOL, dude, I set up this little box on the side of my car
<heros> and theres a button on it with a sign, "Do not press"
<heros> and when you press it the car alarm goes off
<jeff> lol nice
<heros> so I'm gonna count how many people do it in a week
<heros> brb
<jeff> where u going?
<heros> car alarm went off |
#33547 (751/861) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<JerryBeep> There are two kinds of jokes in the world: Jokes that people respond to by saying "lol" and funny jokes.
<BAng> lol
<JerryBeep> you bastard. |
#223767 (864/992) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Scrumps> Hm... how do you log a user out remotely?
<ShinCS> sniper rifle |
#266270 (4769/5527) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
Curt teh Juggler: our graduation ceremony was today, and right when some gamer nerd got his diploma, someone in the audience played the zelda "get item" music and he did the zelda spin-hold-out-item stance
Curt teh Juggler: it was quite possibly the most amazing thing ever. |
#118151 (20415/23717) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
(+ware) I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and
(+ware) slowly the driver gets out of the car . . . and you know how you just get sooo
(+ware) stressed and life seems to get funny?
(+ware) Well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car,
(+ware) looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
(+ware) So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"... and
(+ware) THAT'S when the fight started . . |
#261519 (520/594) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<greenocide> Had to give report over censorship today.
<greenocide> So I put in a pr0n vid and they made me turn it off. |
#303802 (813/933) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Pryoidain> Meh, nothing interesting, just another day of me being a complete asshole to unsuspecting citizens
<Pryoidain> A legitimate, honest to god, door to door vacuum salesman came up at the best time.
<Pryoidain> I was vacuuming the rug behing the front door, and he comes up and knocks on it, so I check the peephole
<Pryoidain> It's pretty obvious what you're selling when you're holding a vacuum in one hand.
<Pryoidain> anyways we have one of those canister vacuums where the head pops off so you can attach shit to it for like sucking the fur off your dog or something more productive
<Pryoidain> I pop the head off, and open the door up just enough to where he can see me, but not the vacuum head in my hand.
<Pryoidain> I let him do his little speech, then asked to see his "Papers" to which he produced a sales paper.
<Pryoidain> He went to hand me the paper, I clicked on the vacuum, sucked it clean out of his hand, and slammed the door in his face.
<Pryoidain> Now, I could only experience the look of confusion through the peephole, but he stood out there confused for a good 3-4 minutes before deciding against knocking.
<Pryoidain> He had a few false starts, but never followed through. I think he was worried about what might happen next. |
|
Got Twitter? Follow @qdb for updates
|
|
save page |
share: reddit
stumbleupon
digg
facebook
twitter
tumblr
<Prev1..3456789..559Next> |
|