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#301942 (517/603) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Ryan> I had my car broken into. They ignored my two laptops, but instead took my iPhone charger and 3 cans of Grape Soda from my cooler. |
#301921 (324/426) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<dhar> you know how I started work at that Italian restaurant last week?
<Curris> yeah
<dhar> it's called Ristorante Tiberian and I never the Command & Conquer reference until I had this customer in
<dhar> he came in wearing a t-shirt with a red logo on it
<dhar> and when I served him he said "praise kane"
<dhar> I was so confused, I thought he was like some religious nut
<dhar> when I delivered his food I noticed the logo on his shirt was the NOD logo
<Curris> hahaha
<dhar> I almost dropped his plate cos I was laughing so much |
#301846 (218/398) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<blast007> I just think of me being single as doing two things to benefit the world: I'm helping control the population, and I'm putting a lawyer out of work. |
#301829 (222/458) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
< shortcircuit> So here's a fun joke to play on your Star Trek loving friends. Ask them what the name of Star Trek V was, but don't let them look it up online.
< shortcircuit> Most people I've asked get it wrong; they give the name for Star Trek VI instead.
< SilentAgony> attack of the clones
< Mattijle> empire strikes back? |
#301761 (342/448) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Reunech> So I take this physics test, my midterm if I'm correct, and I did alright. The last question, however, was a bitch. I spent more than half the test on it and by the end I had this ridiculously convoluted equation and was looking at a big fat zero out of five for that question. Which would suck.
<Reunech> At this point I figure: "Fuck it, I'm gonna get it wrong anyway."
<Reunech> So I underline it, write "this is very wrong" and then draw an arrow, just to be safe.
<Reunech> I get the midterm back with the comment "Its good to know when you're wrong," and only two points off.
<Reunech> I did better than my friend who studied for three days.
<Reunech> By three points.Comment: He hit me.
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#301702 (244/400) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
pookyrocks: but maybe some places people just don't care about the super bowl?
pookyrocks: and ignore the fact that exists?
Shivers: yeah
Shivers: those places are called "the rest of the world" :P |
#301618 (2/418) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Jesus> there were about a half-million chowns done
<Jesus> and security blanket has only a "roll back all" option
<rm-rf> as in, rollback all changes to the system?
<Jesus> yeah.
<Jesus> "we made 900000 changes. rollback all or none?"
<Jesus> fuckers
<Dopey> .pu uoy evig annug reven
<Dopey> rick rollback
* pjustice beats Dopey |
#301779 (353/469) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Indogutsu> According to an "On This Day in America" calendar hanging on the wall in my office, Robert Fulton (the inventor of the steamboat) appeared before a House committee on February 14th, 1810 to explain the uses of torpedoes.
<Indogutsu> So to all of you who, for whatever reason, can't find love and feel left out and bitter on Valentine's Day, you can instead use this day to remember Robert Fulton and his contributions to undersea warfare. |
#301634 (576/680) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Ucota> So I've learned watching TV with pry isn't a good idea.
<asaph> Oh?
<Ucota> Well you know how he's gonna be a Medical Examiner right?
<Ucota> Dr. G came on, he flips to it
<Ucota> This guy had his colon contents empty into his bowels, he has a hernia, the chick is cutting into the guys scrotal sack
<cjk> OH GOD.
<Ucota> I know, but pry is just STARING at the screen going "I bet it is trauma induced hernial hemorrhaging that led to sepsis and that caused the heart attack.." or some shit
<asaph> did he even flinch when she said scrotal sack?
<Ucota> Fuck no, he was like nose length away from the TV, Like he was trying to see the other side of the camera.
<asaph> wow.
-!- Joins: Pryoidain
<cjk> Dude you're a fucking weirdo
<asaph> I have no words for you today, pry.
<Pryoidain> ...What the fuck did i miss?
<Ucota> I told them about when we watched Dr. G
<Pryoidain> Oh the Scrotal Sack one? That was cool. |
#301939 (249/351) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<@Krillin|Leach> The only thing that should not be downloaded for free is tax preparation software. I trust my Russian hacker/cracker group friends with a lot, but not my real name, social security number, place of employment, and yearly income figures |
#301934 (174/360) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
(5:06:23 AM) b2d4c3e5: I just remembered that I invented the Roger Klotz smiley when I was 17. It is my crowning achievement.
(5:06:24 AM) Liana <AUTO-REPLY>: Your IM has been sent to my mobile device. When I receive it, I will be able to reply. Thanks for your IM! Want your IMs forwarded to your phone? Click here
(5:06:27 AM) b2d4c3e5: #:^)
(5:08:44 AM) Liana: eric i have like 3 finals today i told you
(5:09:59 AM) Liana: i cant believe you woke me up for this
(5:11:44 AM) Liana: go fuck yourself
(5:13:03 AM) b2d4c3e5: #:^( |
#301922 (208/374) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<kelvin> I wrote an app in C# for the first time today
<kelvin> it was only about 6 lines, took about 5 minutes
<kelvin> then I felt dirty and spent the next 3 hours writing the same code in C
<kelvin> :( |
#301762 (248/388) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Reunech> I threw up into my own pants once.
<Dan> ...
<Dan> I...
<Dan> What? |
#301880 (429/509) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<gmaxwell> I wouldn't be surprised if the net effect of the "don't pirate" notice is to cause a lot of people to think "wait— I could have gotten this for free?" |
#301836 (244/488) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<@PZT> "I want you to taste these," she panted as she unbuttoned her blouse, revealing two full-grown California grizzly bears. I was on the ground before it even clicked. I glanced upwards and wove my head to the left as a set of 2" claws plunged downward at me. They grazed the side of my face. It stung like hell. One of them was sitting on my left arm; I couldn't move. I felt around for the coat hanger she'd thrown to the floor just minutes ago. A careless move for an agent, I thought to myself. I twisted it around my wrist, forming a crude hook, and jabbed at the one on top of me. It rolled over, uttering primal groans of agony as blood dripped from its eyes. I slashed blindly to my left. I didn't break the fur, but it was enough. The second bear shifted its weight, and I was able to pry my arm free. Still half-naked, I grabbed the padlocked Armani suitcase and I stumbled out the motel room door.
<Scizor300> What the hell?
* Stoney is now known as Stonaway
<@PZT> I swore silently to myself as I dashed toward the dimly lit lobby. She'd been one of them all along. An agent. The Movement had warned me not to let down my cover, even for a minute. Why hadn't I listened? A prostitute, in the beat-down slums of Madrid? What was I thinking? Her name... Bertha. Bear-tha. She'd been dangling it in front of my face the entire night, but I had been too horny to listen. Or care, for that matter.
<+Mach> What the fuck?
<@PZT> I burst out the front door and ran down the street towards a departing bus. I didn't care where it was going; no human can outrun a hungry grizzly bear on foot. I heard screams behind me, followed by roars and a horrible gnashing sound. I stuck my good arm between the closing doors, pried them open and stepped on board. I threw a few coins at the flabbergasted bus driver and made my way to a seat, ignoring the similarly confused faces around me. It didn't matter to me; the honey was safe. That was all that mattered nowadays.Comment: #armonte's_channel on irc.esper.net
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Lyndon B Comic: A tri-monthly comic of the deathly important
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#301827 (372/468) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<prote> apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today" |
#301526 (292/412) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<ProtoTom> just saw avatar
<ProtoTom> so James Cameron basicaly spent 500 mil to depict a love story between a 15 foot blue woman and a cripple
<jefHardy> it's a progress...last time he spent 200 mil to depict a love story between an iceberg and a big boat |
#301373 (136/312) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
GoKillPeople: Why is it called bad gas when it feels so good to fart?
PartyGirl1450981: some days I cannot fathom why I tolerate you |
#300574 (132/334) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Sarig> Now, my evil plan to conquer earth is nearly completed
<Sarig> No wait
<Sarig> It was just a file transfer |
#301717 (982/1202) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<charl> hey navi, help. 9x - 7i > 3(3x-7u), for i
<navi> i <3 u
<navi> .. i'm going to kill you in your sleepComment: charl has a crush on navi. both are male, and navi is straight.
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#301694 (645/789) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
Stranger: girl looking for boy to talk dirty
Stranger: interested?
You: o ok
Stranger: you start baby
You: mud
You: dust
You: mold
Your conversational partner has disconnected. |
#301385 (204/418) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Emperor_Nick> I have Star Wars theme and classic Monopoly. I like building houses on the Death Star, because I imagine Darth Vader cutting the grass on the surface of the huge laser's dish.
<Emperor_Nick> A little picket fence, some roses...
<Emperor_Nick> You could really spruce the place up.
<Emperor_Nick> Turn that Death Star into a Dream Star.
<Emperor_Nick> Him and Emperor Palpatine in a civil union, adopting a wookie orphan.
<Emperor_Nick> The Jedi protesting their corruption of the sacred union between a man, a woman and The Force...
* Emperor_Nick has disturbed daydreams |
#300871 (231/413) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Error1355>: Cows can feel pain, emotions, depression, etc just the same as us, so why do we have the right not to be hurt and incarcerated and they don't? What makes us so special? If it is our ability to *think* then babies and mentally handicapped adults should have no rights either. Why the discrepancy?
<or_something>: well im going to start eating retarded babies to make that person feel better |
#300071 (328/520) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
[elita] neone care to spare 400 dlls?
[carbine] Lemme check my system32 folder |
#301722 (728/844) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Trinexx> so, while my girlfriend was taking a dump last night
<Trinexx> I burst into the bathroom wearing a rubber Nixon mask, waving around a meat cleaver
<Trinexx> while screaming "I AM NOT A CROOK"
<Trinexx> it was hilarious
<Trinexx> on a semi-related note, I slept in the living room last night |
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