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#302077 (134/260) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<ssar> Fuck... saw the girl who lived across the street from me at this dinner party.
<ssar> I had always watched her through her window and shit... but man she just got even hotter.
<ssar> Of course the urge to approach her was strong, but I'm pretty sure a line that one should never use as an icebreaker is "Hey what's up? I used to stalk you." |
#301066 (168/396) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<+conundrum> Indeed.
<+sev> did you know that every time you say indeed you amplify your douchitude factor
<+conundrum> sev: I thought I just seemed more like Teal'C.
<+sev> that only works if you're a big black dude with pure gold embeded in your forehead
<+sev> when you're a skinny white bitch you just sound like a date rapist.
<+conundrum> Indeed.Comment: #watch, EFnet
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#296099 (43/229) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
(loup) nice, google's usenet reader has a translator integrated
(loup) what's not so nice is that it offered to translate a german document into dutch for me
(v427ci505) like foreign languages?
(v427ci505) everyone knows usenet is best appreciated in the original klingon |
#295124 (0/524) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<kappe> If I wake up one day and know what the hell "Kernel" is, Im gonna kill myself |
#294770 (3/333) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<LJB> get petrol, thats got the good alcohol
<Lord Adam> Dude
<Lord Adam> Petrol is like 10% alcohol
<Lord Adam> Max
<Lord Adam> Hmm
<Lord Adam> That's more than beer... |
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#159372 (151/365) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<&EvilFixIt> orwell missed by a few years with 1984
<Rob> what year did he guess |
#141263 (265/357) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<swight> "DARPA Advances AI Program For Air Traffic Control"
<swight> C`mon they GOTTA call that SkyNet
<jonathans> haha
<jonathans> yeah
<jonathans> It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are at the arrival gate. |
#302296 (180/330) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
James: i just suggested to evan that we stand up a VM in our vSphere infrastructure running MS-DOS 6.22
James: copy a few select files to it
James: and create this as autoexec.bat:
James: c:\doom\doom.exe
James: DOOM in vsphere. win.
Jordan: hahahaha
Jordan: cloud computing doom?
James: exactly
Jordan: I knew this is exactly what university server admins do with their time |
#302203 (487/615) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Mio> shinji I AM YOUR FATHER
<Mio> AND MOTHER
<shinji> Go fuck yourself
<shinji> Oh wait |
#302192 (385/547) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<fahadsadah> I-ripped-my-spacebar-out-of-my-keyboard
<fahadsadah> and-can't-figure-out-how-to-put-it-back-in |
#302145 (380/514) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
< incluye> Oh my fucking are you serious
< incluye> Today's the day for Lesson 4.04 in Modern World Studies in my online course.
< incluye> GUESS WHAT ERROR I GET WHEN I GO TO IT |
#302050 (573/703) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Beanuritos> No way, I'm lazier than any of you.
<zetatech> i was so lazy earlier that while masturbating i just pretended i came
<Beanuritos> ...
<MorkDB> ...
<Beanuritos> respect |
#302228 (356/592) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<@heels> i wanna be a hooker
<Doomstalk> heels: You're already a whore in your own way
<Cuzza> heels: you're already a whore
<Cuzza> ^5 Doomstalk
<Doomstalk> ^5 Cuzza
<Cuzza> ...
<Cuzza> GET OUT OF MY HEAD
<Doomstalk> GET OUT OF MY HEAD CHARLES
<Cuzza> WHAT THE FUCK MAN |
#302132 (870/962) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<scgtrp> guys!
<scgtrp> someone make me fall asleep :/
<PhantmShado> ok, once upon a time
<PhantmShado> there was a guy named scgtrp
<PhantmShado> and it was late
<PhantmShado> but he wasn't asleep
<PhantmShado> so he went to irc
<PhantmShado> and was all "guys! someone make me fall asleep :/"
<PhantmShado> so a guy named PhantmShado said
<PhantmShado> "Once upon a time
<PhantmShado> there was a guy name scgtrp
<PhantmShado> and it was late
* Dritz has kicked PhantmShado (no recursion)
<scgtrp> i was enjoying that story >:( |
#302129 (407/539) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<sje46> I avoid sex the same way I avoid bullets
<sje46> i haven't had the chance to |
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#302106 (491/647) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Deadhope> I got fired from Wal-Mart today...
<RainbowHugz> nice. why'd you get fired ?
<Deadhope> I made a kid crap himself , he was stealing and i decided to stare at him like an angry pedophile while yelling , WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?!?!?
<Deadhope> The kid ran away crying leaving a trail of shit. Atleast i didn't have to clean that.
<2Tone> haahahahahahahahaha
<RainbowHugz> Best...reason to be fired ever.., i'm in tears right now. |
#302091 (1108/1212) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
PH: Note to car companies. Don't put "Best in class" and "In a class of it's own" in the same commercial. |
#302082 (439/639) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Kolin> just googled myself and my dad no longer comes before me
<rye`sky> it's more romantic if you come at the same time
<Kolin> thats sick |
#302081 (213/473) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
Codi: You could always buy a RealDoll. Fuck her when you're horny, she just lays there and doesn't bitch about how you never put the seat down or take out the garbage, and you can just shove her in the closet when you're not stickin' it in her pooper.
Jason: wtf
Jason: I always put the seat down |
#302018 (341/635) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<@ rotor> a friend of mine had a parrot and it loved being pushed around on it's back
<@ rotor> it would make "vrrrm vrrmm" type truck noises when you did it
<@ rotor> it was pretty cool |
#301623 (519/733) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Stingray_> Update: the situation is grim, folks. The RIAA have brought soldiers and are attempting to break into our offices. We've holed ourselves up in the server room, but we don't know how much longer we can hold..
<Stingray_> DISREGARD THAT. THE RIAA IS GREAT. WE HAVE NO TROUBLE WITH THE RIAA. PLEASE CONTINUE TO BUY RIAA-APPROVED MUSIC THROUGH YOUR STANDARD RIAA-APPROVED RETAIL OUTLETS. |
#302079 (1157/1285) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<+Toujiron> Probably best day.
<%Misty> What happened?
<+Toujiron> I have this felt super mushroom hat, right?
<+Toujiron> I wore it out today because I'm ridiculous
<+Doak> awesome
<+Toujiron> My roommate left his work boots at home and called me to ask me to bring them to him at work, because he wouldn't have time after class.
<+Toujiron> So on my way there, I go through an intersection I usually don't because I don't have a reason to go near there, and the setting sun is in my eyes, so I have no idea that there's a stop sign there.
<+Toujiron> I am immediately pulled over by a city patrol car.
<+Toujiron> The cop walks up to my window, looks at me, my hat, and listens to my speakers for a second which are playing a rainbow road remix.
<%Misty> Please tell me he broke down laughing
<+Toujiron> Without even asking me for my ID, he leans in and says, "Son, when there's a stop sign in front of you, you have to stop hitting the golden mushroom. I know it'll disappear, but it's the law, alright?"
<%Misty> Oh that's even better
<+Toujiron> Before I could even answer that he told me to drive safe and walked away.
<+Neo-Kamek> lolololol
<+Toujiron> I have never been so entertained to be caught breaking laws.
<+Doak> Best.
<+WingedBeaux> my wife just loled at that story tou
<+WingedBeaux> is there an opposite to f my life? cause that would be it right there |
#301950 (353/613) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
PartyGirl1450981: I set VLC to always look for subtitle files and use them for the corresponding videos
PartyGirl1450981: and I set it to always use the english subs for Damnatus
PartyGirl1450981: so the bob ross video I'm watching is slightly grim dark
PartyGirl1450981: hes talking about a beautiful blue color to start off with
PartyGirl1450981: and the subs are talking about how the universe has devolved into a hell of eternal war
PartyGirl1450981: I muted it for extra lols
PartyGirl1450981: and he's painting a cloud into the sky
PartyGirl1450981: "HUMANITY HAS NO ALTERNATIVE" |
#301957 (203/469) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<SnowGryphon> At a local internet cafe, I saw the most curious sight - a young man running a browser in a virtual machine and posting on PS3-centric forums. I became aware of the fact that the virtual machine software was linking the host and the VM so that the VM could use the net. Thus, I was given the rare privilege of witnessing an actual troll under a (NAT) bridge. |
#301943 (222/418) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<scgtrp> "This License Agreement is effective until terminated."
<scgtrp> NO WAY |
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