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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..45678910..559Next> |
#189485 (2273/3409) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<goldfish> I took this little green pill for a headache, on my Granny's recommendation.
<goldfish> I woke up in the backyard three days later, no trousers on, talking to Elvis about the infinite.
<goldfish> Granny was yelling out a window at me, "Get up you baby! I take three of those and do my grocery shopping." |
#60330 (2272/2842) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<evilAdmin> ...
<evilAdmin> Never seen that one before.
<evilAdmin> Got back from meeting with a friend, who wanted to show me some $35K Server systems in a datacenter basically underground downtown that he is a part of.
<evilAdmin> During the tour, I'm like "Dude- is that a pizzabox inbetween those 4U servers?", and he's like "Yup. Want some lunch?". Pulls the box out, grabs a slice. I already ate, so I passed.
<evilAdmin> He says that the $20K 8x Opteron boxes generate lots of heat, and thus keep the Pizza warm.
<evilAdmin> I'm like "Don't Oppies have PowerNow or some AMD cooler shit?", and he's like "Yeah, but we run SETI/Prime95 to keep the pizza hot".
<evilAdmin> :\ |
#60986 (2265/2951) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<itai> found a bug in the english wiki site :|
<Angela> what's the problem?
<itai> can't tell :x
<Gentgeen> that makes it hard to fix
<Angela> itai: could you explain where the bug is?
<itai> the site isn't secured
<JeLuF> secured?
<itai> yes
<itai> un protected
<Angela> anyone can edit it?
<itai> yesComment: irc.freenode.net #wikipedia
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#95753 (2250/3078) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<xkcd> honestly, I'm not entirely sure that I will ever get tired of amusing pictures of cats
<xkcd> FORTUNATELY, SOMEONE INVENTED THE INTERNET |
#60772 (2238/2882) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<Vagrant|BRB> I was talking to this girl in my class about this fight she had with her brother.
<Vagrant|BRB> And she said, " I was so mad, I could of just fapped in his face. "
<Vagrant|BRB> I swear, at least five heads -- all guys, I might add -- turned to look at her. She looked confused, like she had no idea what she said.
<Vagrant|BRB> And I'm like, " ... what'd you say? "
<Vagrant|BRB> " Fap. You know. Hit. "
<Vagrant|BRB> All of the guys who turned around to look at her, me included, just sort of tittered and shared guilty glances. To this day, she has no idea why.Comment: #FurNet
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Open call for science fiction prose/art
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#35267 (2233/3059) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<deF> democrats swallow
<TheBrad> well, that's a constructive way to look at politics
<Vampire> deF your not even american
<Vampire> you cant have a opinion
<Vampire> heh
<MECHANIX> yeah hes a fucking swede
<MECHANIX> what do you guys have
<MECHANIX> swedolitics?
<deF> blondes with big breasts
* deF wins * |
#71690 (2223/2877) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<Dr_Pressure> eBay feedback score for user "iaintpayinyou": -1
<Dr_Pressure> Two feedback: "Never sent payment after winning bid and promising to send"
<Dr_Pressure> and "Never sent payment after several contacts"
<Dr_Pressure> it's all in the name, people |
#59780 (2223/2997) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<Toba> how can you be decidedly and forcefully indifferent?
<est> I DON'T CAREComment: #qc
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#18 (2222/3908) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<TOZTWO> I was kinda shy, and still am, so right after sex, I started getting dressed before she could turn on the lights......
<TOZTWO> Well, she turns the light on, and I have my clothes on already, and she can't find her undies.......
<TOZTWO> But she finds my undies next to the bed.
<TOZTWO> Guess whose undies I'm wearing? |
#101382 (2211/2897) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
Varnthegreat: I have to go pee and then fill an empty Gatorade bottle with Mountain Dew.
xtedheadx: Please please please get confused in the middle of doing that. |
#66436 (2207/3255) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<Wax_on_whack_off> men, my roommate had a fierce seizure in the bathtub
<iris23> that's really sad to hear, did you help him? Is he okay now?
<Wax_on_whack_off> he helped me actually
<iris23> ?
<Wax_on_whack_off> I threw in my dirty clothes... they are clean now
<iris23> you utter bastard!!!! that's not funny!!! >:( |
#135637 (2204/3126) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
Commander_598: Heath Ledger dead.
Kroko: ...what
Kroko: are you serious
Commander_598: Assuming CNN Headline News isn't just making things up.
Latis: No, he's dead.
Kroko: holy crap he is
Baconfish: have they finished making batman yet?
Kroko: yes
Kroko: I think
happydud: imdb lists Batman as in post-production
Baconfish: phew
Latis: awesome. We're safe guys. |
#90304 (2195/2903) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<@Jigsy> [10:37:19] <OD_Jonno> even the adults over 18 are soon to be limited to smoking in their houses
<@Jigsy> Unless a burglar breaks in.
<@Jigsy> Then it becomes his workplace. |
#98 (2191/3808) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<ikkenai> i don't have hard drives. i just keep 30 chinese teenagers in my basement and force them to memorize numbers |
#296710 (2187/2627) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<Bapa> Hello beautiful, flawless people of #MOOP.
<godsprophet> sorry, none of those people are here right now
<godsprophet> please leave a message after the long, awkward silence
<Bapa> What makes it awkward?
<sui> i'm naked. |
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T-Shirt Hell: Talk Nerdy to Me
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#83178 (2187/3489) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
Rs Conqueror: dude
Xenocidaltendncy: hey whatup
Rs Conqueror: "sum up your sex life using star wars quotes"
Xenocidaltendncy: ...
Rs Conqueror: "you were right about one thing, the negotiations were short"
Xenocidaltendncy: young fool... only now, at the end, do you understand
Rs Conqueror: "how're we doing kid?" "same as always.." "that bad huh?"
Xenocidaltendncy: "if money is all you want, then that's what you'll get"
Rs Conqueror: "Ten thousand?? We could buy our own ship for that!"
Xenocidaltendncy: "these aren't the droids you're looking for"
Rs Conqueror: "I don't care what you smell, just get in there you big lug!"
Xenocidaltendncy: "going in at that speed, do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
Rs Conqueror: "No luke... I am your father"
Xenocidaltendncy: "and now, princess, we will discuss the location of your rebel base" *thwrum thwruuum thwruuuuum*
Rs Conqueror: "judge me by my size do you?"
Xenocidaltendncy: "Yeah, but this time I've got the money"
Rs Conqueror: She may not look like much, but "she's got it where it counts, kid."
Rs Conqueror: "I haven't seen him. It's possible he came in through the south entrance."
Xenocidaltendncy: "I've got a feeling I'm never going to see her again"
Rs Conqueror: "and I thought these things smelled bad... on the outsde"
Xenocidaltendncy: "Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it"
Rs Conqueror: "You're not actually going INTO an asteroid field...!!!"
Rs Conqueror: "Mudhole? Slimy? My home this is!" |
#114096 (2185/2443) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<Timmay> Jeez, my dog and cat were sleeping down by the couch
<Timmay> Dog lets out a hideous fart, cat wakes up, stares at dog, slaps him accross the snout with her paw, and walks off
<krm> Aaahahahahaha
<Timmay> Sometimes I think my cat has more control over this household than I do :( |
#142884 (2182/2716) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<Elliotd123> How many members of a certain demographic does it take to screw in a light bulb?
<Elliotd123> A finite number. One to screw in the lightbulb, and the rest to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question. |
#30454 (2180/4374) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
(Sprite): boiled egg?
(Sprite): im a spack cook
(LoneGun): sprite just do in microwave for like 2 mins
(Sprite): on it's own lonegun ?
(LoneGun): aye sprite
(Ched): 2 mins
(Ched): for 650 watt microwave
(Sprite): so a egg, in a bowl, on it's own for 2 mins in a microwave ?
(Sprite): n1 im off to cook
(Sprite): k guys
(Sprite): u guys are cocks
(Sprite): the egg just blow upComment: Cooking in #digwar (quakenet) with the unsuspecting sprite. His cullinary skills are now renowned as a result.
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#32853 (2177/3841) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
* `-` (~Blade_Lea@Blade_Leader.support.gamesurge) has joined #i_r_teh_h4x
* ChanServ sets mode: +o `-`
<`-`> I've learn something today
<`-`> ata hard drives are not hot-swappable
<`-`> and don't try to just brush the molex connector against the hard drive's plugs just to see if it does something
<`-`> cause guess what
<`-`> it does |
#144904 (2140/2456) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<C-Johnson> holy shit
<C-Johnson> 420,000 people without power in miami
* C-Johnson has quit (Read error: Operation timed out)
<phlux> 420,001* |
#141669 (2096/2324) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
(@Gunrun) Pringles are clever
(@Gunrun) they're like... self regulating
(@Gunrun) if you can't fit your hand into the tube to get more
(@Gunrun) then you probably shouldn't be getting more anyway |
#100874 (2029/2725) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<rasp> i was catering a “tenant appreciation” event in palo alto yesterday
<rasp> we had these slushie machines, but one broke and spilled everywhere
<rasp> so i went to the main office to ask if they had a hose, but the guy tells me,
<rasp> “no, but i see the google guys across the street using a hose sometimes, you can try asking them”
<rasp> turns out this place was right next to one of google’s offices
<rasp> i walked over to the cafeteria area and asked one of the cooks, be he told me they didn't know where it was
<rasp> as i was walking away, i had a little moment to myself...
<rasp> "wow, i just queryed google irl"
<rasp> "lol"Comment: error 404: hose not found
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#149510 (2024/2632) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<Sambito> 4chan is like your retarded nephew.
<Sambito> When he was little you thought his antics were funny
<Sambito> But now he's 28
<Sambito> And it's just sad. |
#55 (1990/3437) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<Sonique> you know you've just experienced an odd moment at 3:30am when you're completely naked making an away msg for aim and your dad (clothed only in breifs) strolls by, waves, and says, "i thought i smelled something. oh well, night!", and walks off |
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