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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..567891011..559Next> |
#144684 (1962/2512) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
john2.0: so my mom was reading the list of songs that i have
john2.0: that i wrote down to give you
john2.0: she thought it was some suicide note |
#294682 (1955/2273) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<sniep> my servers are all named after computer parts so that users sound like retards asking for anything
<sniep> "i need full access to ram!"
<sniep> "why is megabytes broken?!?"
<sniep> "who rebooted hard drive??!??"Comment: SomethingAwful
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#16 (1939/4389) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<wecell> new apples look fairly interesting, but i'd hate to buy into something that is going to CRASH all the time.
<DigDug> wecell : What are you using right now?
<wecell> i've always used windows machines. |
#106497 (1937/2621) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<jamiebarrow> jlitc: psivamp is taking pics of her tits aparently
<jlitc> jamiebarrow: ooh, I joined at just the right time
<jamiebarrow> jlitc: a tit is a kind of bird
<jlitc> jamiebarrow: aww |
#46377 (1931/4543) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<LordYoshi> what button is page down? I've pressed everything
<Master> The "Page Down" button.
<LordYoshi> oooooo
<Master> Insert Home Page Up
<Elazul> HAHAHAHAHAHAAH
* LordYoshi feels like a dumb ass |
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Dropbox: store, sync, share, free, awesome!
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#97327 (1930/2822) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
DWang: a friend of mine
DWang: used 3 minutes on his phone last month
DWang: but he got refunded 4!
DWang: the phone company apparently uses 4-byte unsigned ints
DWang: because it UNDERFLOWED
DWang: he apparently used 2^32 minutes at 10 cents a minute
DWang: so he got a bill
DWang: for $430 MILLION |
#197259 (1928/2126) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
datagram: Hey
janelle: im janelles sister, im 16
janelle: she's away
datagram: Well hello there
datagram: Are you young and impressionable?
janelle: she warned me about you already |
#102697 (1920/2202) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<Rowan> gonna go to the store when it opens and buy some caffiene/caffeine
<&segosa> caffeine.
<Kotjze> i before e except in a lot of words
<&segosa> or you could just know how to spell words and not require stupid rules
<Kotjze> exactly
<Rowan> i dont think ive spelled that word much
<Rowan> and i keep running into words that ARENT I before E
<Rowan> like weird, atheist, broom
<Kotjze> broom? |
#101646 (1920/3286) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<@Foxhill> Skittles_Goddess - for something that is basically just an overly complex life support system for a vagina i haven't entered yet, you're pretty damn sexy |
#146969 (1881/2287) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<Trinexx> a GM was playing hide and seek with us, right?
<Trinexx> offering a massive prize to whoever found her first
<Trinexx> so I reported a bug
<Trinexx> she summoned me to her so I could explain
<Trinexx> I just grinned and said "Found ya."
<Armada> Did you win?
<Trinexx> No, she sapped me and kicked me off the server. |
#296856 (1871/2165) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<Uuxaul> So I was on this "free resume" builder website last night. So I'm going through building my resume. Get to the end thinking, awesome! almost done. Shows me a preview embedded with Javascript so I can't click the page, and asks me to pay 14.95 for the "actual copy". So I'm like... WELL FUCK YOU. So I save the web page, delete the java bullshit, open it up in firefox, pull up the source after editing it in kate, copy and paste it to open office set it to recognize HTML tags... And PRINTED MY GOD DAMNED RESUME
<Uuxaul> It was just slightly annoying because I spent an hour on this site making everything perfect, and it even advertised free resume construction with an upgrade option you could pay for...
<Raine Sabaal> Hahahahaha!
<Raine Sabaal> You should add that to your resume.
<Uuxaul> Skills: Capable of bypassing Pay-To-Print resume builders. |
#295976 (1866/2196) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<Lamia> my husband just said to me, "If your name was homework, I'd be doing you on my desk, right now!"
<Lamia> I need a snappy comeback to that.
<DarkDread> tell him, "If your name was homework, I'd be ignoring you to play video games." |
#297382 (1853/2157) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<c0nsumer> A pizza with the radius z and thickness a has the volume pi*z*z*a |
#102424 (1850/2308) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<Maneko> what doesn't kills you only makes you stronger.
<Kojispruke> You have obviously never had a limb ripped off by a bloodthirsty shark. |
#289253 (1849/2073) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<@matja> christ that made me jump. just rebooted my pc with new overclock settings and the neighbour fires up a hammer drill the other side of the wall |
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T-Shirt Hell: Shirts you'll never have the balls to wear in public
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#300818 (1834/2522) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<Crispy`> my friend is making my other friend's girlfriend rage on facebook by arguing with her about how Twilight is the dumbest shit ever
<Crispy`> so I created Twilight for Men.
<Crispy`> government scientist fused DNA with Hayden P. and Mila Kunis to create the hottest woman ever with big titties and a nice ass, and she's all over my dick but it turns out she's a pirate and I'm like "omg but I want to be a pirate" and she's all naked near me and shit and I'm like "you're the most perfect thing ever" ... See Moreand she's like "I know, now fuck me"
<Crispy`> and then all the sudden it turns out the government actually made someone else who was fused from the DNA of Kristen Bell and Elisha Cuthbert and she shows up and is like "what the fuck but I want your dick more." and I'm like "D:"
<Crispy`> and then the Kristen and Elisha fusion is like "OH AND IM A NINJA SHITYEAH" and I'm like "FUUUUUUUUUUUCK NINJAS VS PIRATE" and then this was my face when they were fighting a war near me " :O "
<Crispy`> with none of them wearing shirts oh and they all have super nice tits and are not fat at all and are the most perfect looking women ever and then they all want my dick so bad it's hard for me to choose and also whether I want to be a Ninja or Pirate it's a very tough decision. |
#42156 (1826/4180) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<MSIGuy> Not as funny when you do it on purpose...
<gfjgfjgfj> That what your girlfriend said about your premature ejaculation?Comment: #Futuremark
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#145699 (1824/2166) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
Jacob: heh
Jacob: my roommate just walked by with a bottle of water
Jacob: I asked her why she wastes her money on that shit
Jacob: she replied with "It's healthier than tap water."
Jacob: I took the bottle from her and showed her where it said "Source: City of Houston Municipal Water Supply"
Jacob: Tap-water. |
#299795 (1814/2060) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<popemichael> I was in line to buy a new DVD player. The woman in front of me was having something delivered.
<popemichael> The clerk asked for her 'street name' she replied "I don't have one I go by Shanice." |
#300724 (1790/2212) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<Shey>Hey John,some confused lady called the helpdesk that they've closed the nursery two hours ago or so,and if you are gonna pick up your daughter...
<John>Holy shit!
-!- John has quit
-!- Michael has quit
-!- Nobody has quit
-!- MoneyMaschine has quit
-!- Server has quit
-!- fightbot has quit
-!- Nobody has joined #techsupper
<Nobody>Shey,send us some network guys, John tripped over the switch cable and pulled the socket from the wall. |
#39108 (1761/3983) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
* Uziel calls in the goats to feed on their corpses. =D
arcane: mmmm goats
* Vukk shoots the goats and has a feast
Uziel: DAMN YOU GOAT SLAUGHTERING SON OF A BITCH.
Uziel: I will summon forth the corpses of your female ancestors and chain you to their bones.
Uziel: forcing you to drink goat blood by the gallon from their rotten not-really-existent cunts
Uziel: while I scatter the ashes of the goats you have killed
Uziel: over your naked, helpless body, as it's whipped, lashed, and beaten bloody
Uziel: sending the pain of those goats you have disgraced, down your spine.
* Orionis slaps Vukk around with Windows Me
* Orionis threatens Uziel with the Windows ME
* Uziel bows
Uziel: Hails to thee who makes the true definition of pain abundant in our knowledge. =X
arcane: hail! |
#297667 (1748/1966) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<Khassaki> HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> try pressing the the Caps Lock key
<Khassaki> O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> fuck me |
#297184 (1744/2054) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
<roxylucy> omg did i tell you what embarrassing thing happened to me the other day?
<hedgab> not that i know of
<roxylucy> ok. well, i was visiting my friend in the hospital
<hedgab> yeah
<roxylucy> and so i was leaving
<roxylucy> but in the next room, i noticed a man covered in machinery, shivering.
<roxylucy> and i thought that was sad, so i pulled the blanket up for him
<roxylucy> and, with his breathing mask on, says, "can you see if my testicles are black"
<hedgab> omg really?
<roxylucy> i tried to decline, but he looked so frail and desperate
<roxylucy> so i checked to make sure no one was looking
<roxylucy> and i looked at it and it was just fine
<hedgab> haha ok
<roxylucy> so i was like, "nope, none of it is black"
<roxylucy> and he takes off his mask and says, "can you see if my test results are back" |
#224378 (1736/2170) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
*** Joins: Skrail (~Pleinair@8B4C4265.CA199EBB.127733F1.IP)
<Skrail> Well, I obviously didn't think that one through
<Skrail> So, my USB stuff was acting silly, so I decided to reload the kernel usb drivers in an attempt to fix things.
<Skrail> So I happily type sudo rmmod usbhid into the terminal, tap enter on my keyboard, and then had an epiphany.
<Skrail> "Why," I thought to myself, "I'm using a USB keyboard and mouse!" |
#33 (1735/3958) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny πOld
[17:05] *** D1 sets mode: +o C-Rock
<D1> oh wait, I was trying to kick you. |
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