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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..567891011..559Next> |
#305147 (257/371) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<MurderMachine> So.
<MurderMachine> My rectal went something like this:
<MurderMachine> "Tell me when it feels uncomfortable"
<MurderMachine> "Dr Donaldson I'm lying on a bed pointing my ass at a relative stranger. It's already less comfortable than I'd like." |
#305331 (3/785) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<@swight> I walked by someone's office a few minutes ago
<@swight> her name was
<@swight> Anita Doody
<@swight> sounds like a kid asking to go to the bathroom
<@swight> I saw it, said it twice in my head, and barely made it out to the hall before cracking up
<@swight> I'm such a child :)
<@Rjx> hahah
<@Rjx> I'm keeping that one to use as a fake nameComment: #geekissues@efnet
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#305330 (1043/1167) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Hadley> PONY WANNA SEE MY DICK
<Pony> no, hadley. I am strictly in the vagina business
<Hadley> Pony: you should consider expanding your market! i have some brochures about the penis market, if you'd like
<Pony> why have more penis if you already have one yourself
<Pony> it's like buying a second iphone. it's pointless and not usefull
<Hadley> Pony: like the iphone, a penis lacks multitasking, which is where investing in multiples comes in handy
<Pony> then it's still overkill, hadley. the second one should be an ipad or ipod in that case
<Hadley> Pony: so... if i get the analogy correctly... you're only interested in a penis if it's twice as big as your current one?
<Pony> yes
<Hadley> THEN HAVE I GOT GREAT NEWS FOR YOU |
#305325 (3/327) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<+jbeez> everytime my wife asks about moving I tell it the destination better have fios or its not happening
<+jbeez> she gets mad, then gets over it, and we stay hereComment: #FreeBSD
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#305324 (404/526) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Pomax> 20 years from now, someone is going to have the radical idea to give users access to the underlying OS, rather than to the browser API, and he will be heralded a revolutionary.
<Pomax> All manner of programming languages will pop up that work outside "the browser", giving access to "offline" applications, storing files in "user space", even perhaps running in something called "kernel mode".
<Pomax> It'll be a brave new world.
<Mirell> It's scary that's believable. |
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The London Vandal Store, you should check it out.
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#305320 (10/626) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
(While discussing the Amy's line of organic food products...)
Jesse: If I ever met Amy, I would kiss her full on the mouth.
Carrie: Would you stick your tongue down her throat?
Jesse: Yeah, and probably come back up with a delicious vegan burrito.
Carrie: That seriously made me want to puke.
Jesse: If you were Amy, you'd puke up delectable organic vegan soup.Comment: Amy's food products
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#305287 (260/400) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
Suzuran: So my boss was talking about that 9 year old girl who got shot with the congresscritter
Suzuran: Talking about how she was young and innocent and looking at a career in politics "Totally innocent, she just wanted to know how American politics worked!"
Suzuran: And I said "Well, now she knows!"
Suzuran: and now he's mad at me.Comment: #ShrineMaiden@ppirc
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#304593 (254/512) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Zypur> I'm trying to sell a brand new blackberry storm2
<Zypur> It's stolen from verizon
<Failure> That's not a phrase you'd usually include when trying to sell something |
#303682 (368/556) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Rorschach> crispy is studying criminal justice. Just like all the strippers
<Crispy`> Rorschach: Great talking point when I need to get laid.
<Crispy`> We can role-play too
<Rorschach> haha
<Crispy`> We'll both be Detectives and we can try to solve the Case of the Missing Virginity.
<@AnthraX101> Just be careful you don't turn it into The Case of the Missing Period
<Crispy`> D:
<Crispy`> That'll turn into Case of the Missing Father. |
#303622 (351/599) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
Mike: "now that you all are awake. are there anyone who can help with my problem? I have compressed my important files with md5sum. how do I decompress them ?" |
#304248 (521/719) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<@Sebas> So on his death bed, Tiger Woods' grandad told him "Tiger... If you want to be the best some day, concentrate on your golf, and fuck everything else." |
#304082 (294/490) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Count> i put QDB and bash on my reader too :)
<Count>: now in 12 months time when bash gets one new quote, i'll be ready!Comment: #batcave on Austnet
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#303802 (813/933) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Pryoidain> Meh, nothing interesting, just another day of me being a complete asshole to unsuspecting citizens
<Pryoidain> A legitimate, honest to god, door to door vacuum salesman came up at the best time.
<Pryoidain> I was vacuuming the rug behing the front door, and he comes up and knocks on it, so I check the peephole
<Pryoidain> It's pretty obvious what you're selling when you're holding a vacuum in one hand.
<Pryoidain> anyways we have one of those canister vacuums where the head pops off so you can attach shit to it for like sucking the fur off your dog or something more productive
<Pryoidain> I pop the head off, and open the door up just enough to where he can see me, but not the vacuum head in my hand.
<Pryoidain> I let him do his little speech, then asked to see his "Papers" to which he produced a sales paper.
<Pryoidain> He went to hand me the paper, I clicked on the vacuum, sucked it clean out of his hand, and slammed the door in his face.
<Pryoidain> Now, I could only experience the look of confusion through the peephole, but he stood out there confused for a good 3-4 minutes before deciding against knocking.
<Pryoidain> He had a few false starts, but never followed through. I think he was worried about what might happen next. |
#303421 (725/949) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<boikpark> The guy was found dead in his apartment with his penis in a jar of peanut butter, apparently.
<Sohcahtoa> Well it sounds like that guy...
* Sohcahtoa puts on his sunglasses
<Sohcahtoa> ...was fucking nuts.
<Sohcahtoa> YYYYEEEAAAAAHHHHH |
#303054 (325/587) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<osxdude> Wow facebook.
<osxdude> An app just asked me if I thought my mom was a virgin |
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sadhat: low-noise, high-signal news
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#302273 (81/345) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
< unrealun1verse> i sometimes wonder if theres some disease that makes you want to do your mum jokes all the time
< fbstj> whatever it is, he probably caught it off your mum :P |
#301908 (7/671) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Kian> -_- ^_^ -_- ^_^ -_- ^_^ -_- ^_^ -_- ^_^ (Explanation of Bipolar Disorder) |
#303903 (86/488) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<+Gno> i've had arrogant steak and dumb rice for food today.
<@ps> wtf?
<@ps> why do you pass such anthropomorphic judgements on your food
<+Gno> the steak was arrogant because it managed to push my eggs off the pan when cooking.
<+Gno> bullies are arrogant.
<@ps> so
<+Gno> the rice was dumb because it could not figure out how to stay on the utensil i was eating. |
#301252 (295/529) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<@snow_> i think i could have definitely stolen this chick from her loser boyfriend
<@snow_> but i fucked up
<@snow_> tried to call her fat
<@snow_> so she would come work out w/ me
<@snow_> that backfired hardComment: #geekissues
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#295392 (212/470) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
< beoba> i d8ed a guy who couldnt get work study because harvard was giving more money than federal rules allowed
< Sub-Zero> you know, it took me a few seconds to understand d8ed.
< Divine> it's some kind of g8alkComment: #raspberryheaven
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#164446 (242/410) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
Vystrix_Nexoth wonders why Apophis is reading something that would discuss things like Beverly Hills 90210 spinoffs.
<Apophis> because Wikipedia links are too easy to follow
<Apophis> and they take you to strange places after a while
<Apophis> and you can't figure out how you got there
<Apophis> they're kinda like tequila |
#162497 (183/539) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
jdbugg87: ok i just ripped a cd...what the hell is .ogg
adanedhel728: it's a file extension, kind of like "doc" is short for "document," "ogg" is short for "oh good god, what an annoying file format" |
#160100 (317/433) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
jazza joined the chat room.
jazza: hi
jazza: can anyone help me
xexyz: no
xexyz: IRC is 100% Help-Free for 53 days now
xexyz: And we don't want to let the union down by starting now |
#154850 (283/467) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<@Genesis`> Dr Phil said: Sometimes you just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you.
<@Genesis`> i cant bend over that far :( |
#153537 (258/478) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<nyschashi> so I'm reading this george bush hentai manga
<nyschashi> it's pretty great
<nyschashi> Bush and Saddam make peace after they gang bang some random girl
<nyschashi> ;/
<nyschashi> the girl then randomly dropkicks Kim Jong-Il
<nyschashi> I'm skipping through about 30 pages at a time, but it looks like george bush randomly turns into a tentacle demon and rapes a bunch of people |
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