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#304619 (178/258) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<pharazon> being a conductor is like the closest thing there is to being a wizard
<pharazon> you just wave your arms and stuff happens |
#304516 (197/267) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Sebas> When I was working as an orderpicker, I had to get some assorted terrycloth towels. "Terrycloth" in Dutch is "badstof", and both that and "assorted" get abbreviated, so on my list it said I needed 5 "bad ass towels". |
#304514 (271/335) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<@nukespoon> okay so a bit of a crisis
<@nukespoon> the project folder for this program is called "cuntbollocks"
<@nukespoon> i have to upload this in 15 minutes
<@nukespoon> and i don't know how to rename it without fucking shit up |
#304071 (177/243) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
< Bobsentme> And then a graduate student came in, overheard about 3 seconds of our conversation, and explained we could do the same thing for free if we just used nmap and a database
< Bobsentme> So...anyone know a good place to hide the body of a graduate student? >.>
< PID1|work> from a forensic lab??
< Bobsentme> yeah.
< Tamber> lecture hall. They won't think of looking there.
< PID1|work> or a tutorial class
< Bobsentme> Tamber: "He's always the first to arrive, but sleeps through my lectures!" "He's dead." "Oh...damn. He was the only one passing the course." |
#303811 (241/309) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<@[Cadaver]> cops don't have a sense of humor -_-
<@[Cadaver]> so there I was cycling (without lights) on an unlit road in the rain
<@[Cadaver]> I make a small turn and my wheels slide away and fall on my chin.
<@[Cadaver]> cheek is bleeding.
<@[Cadaver]> (and my lips aparently, but I didn't noticed this)
<@[Cadaver]> to prevent blood on my chothing I wipe it away with my hands and continue cycling home
<@[Cadaver]> clothing*
<@[Cadaver]> after a while a cop spots me and stops me
<@[Cadaver]> when he noticed the blood on cheeck/lips and hands he asks me from who it is
<@[Cadaver]> 'the blood of 7 holy virgins' wasn't an acceptable answer :(
<@[Cadaver]> spent 8 hours at the station for blood tests and a conversation with a psychologist |
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Open call for science fiction prose/art
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#303402 (205/275) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
LG: My bro left his phone at my house last night
LG: so... I just tried to call him to tell him
LG: I tried to call his cell with mine. when his was in MY OTHER HAND
BadSpoon: did you answer?
LG: no.
LG: I'm pretty retarded.
LG: But I have a little dignity. |
#303251 (83/177) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Justice> music is like sex, for every person paying for it, there's a thousand who don't
* Isamu shares CDs with his mom |
#303250 (138/178) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<ardchoille> How can some of these employees NOT slap the shite out of people???
<ardchoille> See, I couldn't work in retail.. I'd end up on assault charges
<steveb> its not that bad
<steveb> you just have to switch your brain off
<ardchoille> Oh, like the customers do?
<steveb> most of them dont have an on switch |
#303238 (131/223) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<gnolam> Blargh.
* gnolam is washing dishes.
<gnolam> Some of this stuff has been lying unwashed for so long that cleaning it is a truly /epic/ task.
<gnolam> So epic I think I should write a poem about it.
<gnolam> I shall call it... "The Grime of the Ancient Marinade". |
#303214 (148/238) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<highjack> does anyone have a time machine I can borrow?
<Zetta> highjack: yeah, but I need it back ten minutes ago |
#302724 (25/147) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Polynomial> Ikea: The WinRAR of the furniture world. |
#302338 (2/200) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<frysteev> im wondering what weekend at bernies would have been like if jim henson made it |
#305711 (526/614) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
* fantasyprone (fantasypro@hide-3089BE47.static.tpgi.com.au) Quit (Ping timeout)
* Apathy runs off to sleep
<Apathy> also tell fantasyprone i said "saw that coming!"
<snark> future fantasyprone says to tell you she saw your mom coming last night
<snark> I have a time machine
<snark> and will pass on your message to avoid a paradox
* fantasyprone (fantasypro@hide-3089BE47.static.tpgi.com.au) has joined #elitists
<snark> fantasyprone: Apathy said to tell you he saw that coming
<fantasyprone> if you see Apathy again, you can tell him I saw his mom coming
<snark> Will do.
* snark hops in a time machine and jumps back a couple of minutes
* snark emerges from the time machine again.
<snark> All done.
<fantasyprone> thanks |
#305241 (179/233) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<@Zardoz> so I left my blackberry in mun's car on wednesday only retrieved it now.
<@Zardoz> 16 missed calls! wow! I'm popular!
<@Zardoz> turns out they were all me trying to find my phone.
<@Zardoz> sigh. |
#304957 (305/391) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Bombs> you're Canadian. you guys live in igloos, right?
<Kirk> You're American. You guys live in McDonalds', right? |
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Got a question? Try the FAQ
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#304938 (235/321) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
< Bob_work> This page blocked. Please enter the name of a seedless fruit to continue.
< OWA> Bob
< Bob_work> HEY! |
#304713 (223/305) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<egreos> you know you're a nerd when you watch porn and pause it to see what textbooks the schoolgirl is carrying so you can judge her attractiveness based on her subjects.
<egreos> she was apparently studying "dictionary", so i turned it off.
<egreos> if it had been a physics book I would have been all over that shit. |
#304240 (185/245) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<@Amigod> i want to play my guitar
<@Amigod> But Eleni's asleep
<HanSorbo> So wear earplugs.
<HanSorbo> So you cant hear her yelling at you to stop. |
#304196 (284/368) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
Panucci : Guess what my geek wife said when we were on bed last night?
Magicpork: HTTP 411, HTTP 417, HTTP 403? |
#304158 (178/226) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<welandB> God dammit.
<welandB> I went to the Renaissance Festival and hit it off with a girl so I tore off a piece of paper from the map and wrote down my number for her.
<welandB> So my friend tears off more pieces and writes down "Call Nate for gay sucking and fucking" with my phone number.
<welandB> And starts handing them out.
<welandB> So I take them away from him and stuff them in my pocket.
<welandB> My cat just dragged one right to my mom.
<welandB> We just had a sit-down talk where I had to clarify that I am not soliciting sex from strange men. |
#304006 (151/217) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
Danny: Have you heard Microsoft's new Windows line?
Danny: "Windows. life without walls."
Danny: Damn right. All kinds of shit can just walk into your house whenever it damn well pleases. |
#303990 (258/304) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<TheTJ> Have you ever been in a creepy place, like a school at night or an abondoned house, when the lights go out?
<TheTJ> Sometimes you might think you're in a horror movie and about to die/be killed.
<TheTJ> That occasionally happens to me
<TheTJ> My response?
<TheTJ> I sing heavily copyrighted songs so that whatever movie I may or may not be in couldn't afford my death scene |
#306189 (292/380) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<%Mehcore> I want a band called 1023MB
<%Mehcore> We'd never get a gig though |
#305950 (215/287) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<+sutol> I'm in a library so I can't look at porn, and for some reason I'd really like to look at porn atm.
<+sutol> Now I just need a way to fap without anyone noticing
<+sutol> Hard, considering I'm in the front row and shit is pretty open
<@Loskene> can anyone else see your computer screen right now
<+sutol> yes
<+sutol> Everyone behind me can
<@Loskene> .f HEY THIS GUY IS HAVING A WANK
<@DEA> _ _ _______ __ _____ _ _ ___ ____
<@DEA> | | | | ____\ \ / / |_ _| | | |_ _/ ___|
<@DEA> | |_| | _| \ V / | | | |_| || |\___ \
<@DEA> | _ | |___ | | | | | _ || | ___) |
<@DEA> |_| |_|_____| |_| |_| |_| |_|___|____/
<@DEA> ____ _ ___ __ ___ ____
<@DEA> / ___| | | \ \ / / |_ _/ ___|
<@DEA> | | _| | | |\ V / | |\___ \
<@DEA> | |_| | |_| | | | | | ___) |
<@DEA> \____|\___/ |_| |___|____/
<@DEA> _ _ ___ _____ _ _ ____ _
<@DEA> | | | | / \ \ / /_ _| \ | |/ ___| / \
<@DEA> | |_| | / _ \ \ / / | || \| | | _ / _ \
<@DEA> | _ |/ ___ \ V / | || |\ | |_| | / ___ \
<@DEA> |_| |_/_/ \_\_/ |___|_| \_|\____| /_/ \_\
<@DEA> __ ___ _ _ _ __
<@DEA> \ \ / / \ | \ | | |/ /
<@DEA> \ \ /\ / / _ \ | \| | ' /
<@DEA> \ V V / ___ \| |\ | . \
<@DEA> \_/\_/_/ \_\_| \_|_|\_\
<+sutol> rude |
#305937 (154/252) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<+BigEndian> Perl is like a freak fapping in the park
<+BigEndian> from afar you wonder what the hell it's doing
<+BigEndian> but when you get close you wish you never inspected it further |
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