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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..45678910..547Next> |
#301089 (72/176) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
<cmihai> eval 1/1
<evaluator491756> cmihai: 1
<flyingparchment> eval `uname`
<evaluator491756> flyingparchment: AIX
*** [Signoff: evaluator491756 (Remote closed the connection)]
<Tempt> you killed it before I could have fun
<cmihai> This is the first bot I wrote, mkey? :P
<e^ipi> massivesecurityholebot 0.1 ? |
#301149 (244/282) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
<+endemDan> i need to find a new job, where customers are not so retarded
<@Gusterbuster> Someone call you and say 'Can you hear me now?'
<+endemDan> no i have had that happen before, but this is even worse
<+endemDan> a customer calls in support from their cell and says she cant find the function she wants to take a pic with
<+endemDan> so i get her phone model blah blah blah, then ask what exactly shes trying to do
<+endemDan> she says 'i see pictures of people where they are holding their phone and are in the picture themselves, how do i take a picture of myself and my phone if the camera does not come off the phone'
<+endemDan> she continues with 'also how are they getting a picture of themselves from the front if i can see the flash?, like the camera is facing away from them during the picture. how do i do that?'
<+endemDan> i couldnt even respond or laugh, i was just in complete awe that someone was actually serious about this question
<+endemDan> then i asked her if she has ever looked at herself in the mirror, and freaks out thinking i just called her ugly or some shit and demands to speak to my manager
<+endemDan> so i put her on hold, get him over and tell him the story and he doesnt believe me and gets on the phone and has her repeat everything she said and then asks her about the complaint against me
<+endemDan> he asks her the same exact thing (it has been about 10 minutes since the call started) and then, then she finally gets it and understands that taking a picture in a mirror is how the people do it
<+endemDan> i dont understand how people like that function in life
<@Gusterbuster> Yea. However you get to sit on your ass all day and answer a phoneComment: endemDan works at verizon
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#301134 (230/310) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
<@Gargamale> word
<mademoiselle> excel
<+fiveiron> powerpoint
<+fiveiron> By your powers combined, I'm an overpriced office suite! |
#301132 (273/349) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
Meudi: Dude, I think I fell asleep
CSpatriot: Why do you think that?
Meudi: Because I woke up |
#301123 (38/222) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
<Kandarin> Ahoy.
<EugeneK> Dongs
<Kandarin> Good to see things haven't changed. |
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#301075 (189/241) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
<Jammy_Stuff> it isn't just an excuse to go drinking
<Jammy_Stuff> it's a social gathering society
<Mabbo> ... so you're like alcoholics anonymous, except that you dont admit you have a problem?
<BunnyII> exactly
<BunnyII> because we don't |
#300711 (219/305) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
<Xagor> I just bought some ice cream and booze. Trying both the masculine AND feminine ways of getting over an aborted relationship :( |
#300635 (393/469) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
<Sebas> So my parents have an account on my little brother's laptop so they can use it during the week, when he's not at home. Said account is severely restricted using Parental Control.
<Sebas> Giving an ironic new meaning to the term "Parental control." |
#300623 (195/373) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
< Dark-Fx> 2 printers 1 CUPS?
< myself> aaaaagh
* myself stabs Dark-Fx |
#300594 (254/332) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
Shayne: She said she's gonna call me soon. And i think she's going to tell me she loves me. But she thinks i'm clueless. How should i react?
Jesse: your asking a guy who has been single for 4 years for relationship advice?
Shayne: Oh right
Shayne: Umm
Jesse: just be all shocked and like suprised i guess
Shayne: Ok hold on
Shayne: Lets say i was a really good irc user. And an admin told me he had a suprise for me and i knew he was gonna give me ops. How should i react?
Shayne: Seriously... Answer the fuckin question lol
Jesse: you did not just ...oh...my...god |
#300877 (32/318) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
> telnet mx.wp.pl smtp
Trying 212.77.101.4...
Connected to mx.wp.pl.
Escape character is '^]'.
220 mx.wp.pl ESMTP
ehlo mx.wp.pl
250-mx.wp.pl
250-PIPELINING
250-STARTTLS
250-SIZE
250-X-RCPTLIMIT 100
250-XMAS
250 8BITMIME
xmas
250- .
250- :.
250- :::..
250- _=:=;.
250- ..:=====.
250- ..=_==|<%%|=;.
250- . .::=i+<|ii|>:.
250- .-:==>||||%|I|>=:.
250- .;inSeil={oov|:
250- .:+i%<a%vc=|i=|=:..
250- --::{vd1nXe{eli|=.
250- . . =|iv+s;<oai||>:.
250- .--====cI(<vZZSIl|{>=;.. .
250- .__|+iuXwav>n1|wsav>l=- -
250- ..=+<vZ{mZ%vvqu>|{I=_;..
250- :=is>I*1vd8ll|>1|+=; .
250- .:ivnmZ1ei>Y>ioXsoI+~:.. .
250- .._<nco1isvua<>=+<}{i===|~-- .
250- .--^"!~)XiI3##mmmXS%1iiv|=; .
250- _=<vvc21+YYliwqm2vs> .
250- .._|%nXIlvuo>_;>iIY(>i=|i==:.
250- .;:=<onmnY2Z###mmuqo2*|=vXc=::.__.
250- . _=I1<s=|vv>i||||<saavsi|=i+-.
250- . =||ivoZme*voIv%1X###X21l|_;
250- =|=|iIYY1vnXXmumowqon3YS>_>=:. .
250- -+ilu1=c|ivvXXUVVY!+<==as%>|i||;- .
250- .==--=+*<I}{oIivi=aaommmXI>- .
250- =|||vswzvi%scawav%*$#UUCY1Sl;..
250- :__i%II||lvXX#W#mmesswmav|vnvv|;_..
250- .<l%{XXso%{c{1l*1cvmWWWmXommniI=;;__
250- __;=_,_:;_3XXmQqwwZYsaaII?Yov1|>]oi>=:
250- .:==liICana%vin2nXY1}<ommWmXouWhi=isv;.....
250- ={vvnv2XXZUX}*++!XsdY$#11SY*+=:||+|{>+--+|.
250- .-invv1*3llvu=%==={nom#oo|||vuaXovIi=;|+:-
250- --=no=|ilncvSnuwi<lvi||Innd#Xe"+-----
250- -"^--.-++- -<n>um!""+||~~3^
250- ~:3#
250- ~
250 ok
quit
221 mx.wp.pl
Connection closed by foreign host.Comment: merry xmas from smtp
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#301020 (474/670) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
<jonukas> hello, hope someone can help me. How with c#, i can make 3.576 to 3.58 ?
<ttvd> if(value == 3.576) value = 3.58;
<ttvd> np! |
#301013 (261/361) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
<@pheedbaQ> proffalken: bust is unimportant, so long as they have a vagina.
< FearTheBeaker> I disagree.
< FearTheBeaker> You have to stare at teh bust more often than the vag.
<@pheedbaQ> I thinkyou mean "get to" not "have to"
< proffalken> or "compelled to by forces beyond your control"
<@pheedbaQ> And be that as it may, I can stare at women's breasts all day. But at the end of the day, I'm geting into
far fewer vaginas than breasts I'm staring at. Hell, by definition I'm getting no more than half as many
vag's as breasts I'm looking at.
<@pheedbaQ> Therefore, the breast is a relatively abundant resource, while the vag is a scarce and precious commodity.
< proffalken> like diamonds vs. uranium
<@pheedbaQ> Exactly
< FearTheBeaker> eh, sometimes you get depleted uranium.
< proffalken> better than cubic zirconium
< FearTheBeaker> that sounds painful.
<@pheedbaQ> diamonds are nice to look at, but when it comes right down to it, it's just a bunch of carbon that has
been crushed together. While uranium is harder to find, self-depletes, and it's dangerous to handle both
the source of the uranium, and the uranium itself.
<@pheedbaQ> Just like vagina.
< FearTheBeaker> in that case, use protection. |
#301010 (497/541) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
<Vivisector> I kind of lol'd when the Tibetan restaurant closed down and turned into a Chinese restaurant |
#301005 (204/336) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
Kage_Jittai: I had a dream last night... that my "uptime" command broke, and I couldn't fix it...
Kage_Jittai: actually... I could fix it... but it required rebooting :(
Kage_Jittai: I ended up crying |
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Got a question? Try the FAQ
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#301003 (96/234) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
The_Jack_of_Clubs: itll be all over reddit tomorrow
The_Jack_of_Clubs: and then digg the day after
The_Jack_of_Clubs: and then again on reddit in 3 months but not as popularly rated the second time |
#300987 (168/256) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
<@Rjx> a whole directory of flv files I downloaded have spontaneously converted to mp4 format
<@Rjx> it's a christmas miracle! |
#300960 (344/482) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
Also, I came up with the best Metal band name ever
Are you ready?
(SEEKING FEMALE KEYBOARDIST!)
That’s it! Parenthesis, seeking female keyboardist, exclamation point, end-parenthesis. That way, every flyer for your show, you’d make whatever band was above you on the flyer seem like total posers.: Imagine the following on a telephone pole near you:
**************************
12/06 at The Pound, all ages:
BIOHAZARD
(SEEKING FEMALE KEYBOARDIST!)
DISCONFORMITY
************************
or:
***********************
12/19 at CBGBs:
SLAYER
(SEEKING FEMALE KEYBOARDIST!)
NILE
DEATHCOOCH DEBACLE
SOCIOPATHIC REMRANT
*********************** |
#300948 (290/426) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
< idiopath> if 50 cent and nickelback did a bad music supergroup you could call it 45˘ |
#230058 (223/327) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
<+Rictoo> CAN U DO THIS WITH SHORT HAIR
<GoneFishing> yes
<GoneFishing> caps lock is functional to anyone with a keyboard, long hair or not |
#143464 (424/470) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
<[DD]Earl> the age of consent in england was set around 1890..
<[DD]Myxlplk> That's way too high |
#142941 (340/396) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
<mgregory> Setting IE to 'secure' is a lot like putting on your seatbelt in a crashing plane |
#300769 (293/439) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
Nick A dot: so you dont believe in aliens?
xxh0tsumm3rfunxx: no
Nick A dot: so you believe that in this whole unfathamably huge universe, we're the ONLY life?
xxh0tsumm3rfunxx: yep, thats the way God made it
xxh0tsumm3rfunxx: and theyre not mentioned in the bible so they obviously dont exist
Nick A dot: i see... do you believe in dinosaurs?
xxh0tsumm3rfunxx: well yeah of course, weve found their remains!
Nick A dot: yeah, but THEYRE not mentioned in the bible
xXH0tsuMm3RfUnXx is offline |
#240606 (97/217) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
< whatsinthename> whats the command to turn on conference mode for this channel
< doub> just "hi!" is sometimes working
< inflex> change your nick to something like Sweet16Candy |
#300611 (482/542) ↑Funny ↓Not πOld
<Robohunk> A friend of mine took an exam in his French class while on acid once. When friends asked him about it later, he said, "I think I did pretty well. I wrote this great story about a thunderstorm."
<Robohunk>
<Robohunk> The professor called him into his office soon afterwards and showed him the test. It was a piece of paper covered with the words "Noir noir noir, noir BLANC!!! noir noir noir noir noir, noir noir noir BLANC!!!" over and over. |
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