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#300286 (127/177) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<+finn> is there something in between "I like you" and "I love you"?
<@Rjx> sex |
#299627 (36/114) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<altoid> i remember once talking to someone at the helpdesk at ucsd
<altoid> i mentioned i was having trouble getting GNOME to work on Gentoo (never did solve the problem)
<altoid> (used KDE the entire time instead, out of laziness)
<altoid> and he was like "oh, did you lose your windows CDs or something? |
#297599 (189/229) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<R0b0t1> "Honestly I think all those people who say Bin Laden has weapons of mass destruction are stupid. Destroying mass is against the laws of thermodynamics!"
<leymoo> ...
<leymoo> you sir, win the award of the "biggest groan I'll do today" competition |
#295912 (146/170) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<Voldemort> My father bought my mother and I GSM cell phones to use while we're here.
<Voldemort> We had to get both repaired. One had a bad ribbon cable, and the screen as a result didn't work.
<Voldemort> The other is only a dual band and doesn't support the frequencies here in the Philippines. Woulda been cheaper to just buy new ones here.
<Voldemort> Anyways, the one with the bad ribbon cable works now, and I was going through it. Apparently, the person on ebay who sold it never cleared the phone. Has pics in it, one of which is a pussy with a tattoo around it making the slit look like the body of a butterfly.
<Voldemort> I didn't think anything of it until I went through the games. There's something in there called "Purring Kitten". It makes the phone vibrate continuously. Needless to say, I'm gonna sterilize that phone now... |
#281442 (182/214) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<Pentavite> you know those cliffs and ledges and etc. that have suicide hotline phones nearby?
<Pentavite> I think the govt should designate them as suicide points, for efficiency
<Pentavite> so people know a good way to kill themselves
<Pentavite> just send someone every now and then to pick up the bodies
<GenericLoser> You'd have to post road signs, too.
<GenericLoser> "Suicide Point -- Dead Ahead." |
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#252356 (58/120) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
xexyz: I don't think there are NATO specs for Nerf ammunition |
#301451 (159/217) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<git> i got a 'honk if you love jesus' bumper sticker on my car
<git> every time someone honks i flip them the bird |
#301436 (158/204) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<IndianaJones> name one thing that would not be improved by an infusion of Patrick Stewart voice
<IndianaJones> you can't, can you
<Lofn> I was going to say sex
<Lofn> but that would be a lie
<IndianaJones> MAKE IT SO
<IndianaJones> ENGAGEComment: #nerd on sorcery.net
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#301414 (170/206) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<@GaidinBDJ> Wanna feel old? Just think, if they remade Back to the Future now, they would be travelling back to 1980. |
#301358 (161/233) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
*** Dice has joined #RDIOOC
<Quia`> roll 2*d6
<Dice> Quia` rolled 2*d6, it returns --> ( 2*d6 = 1 6 ) (7)
<+Komaru> Oh
<+Komaru> Awesome
<+Komaru> roll 99*d999
<Dice> Komaru rolled 99*d999, it returns --> ( 99*d999 = 232 86 149 570 818 481 574 502 713 588 796 766 723 334 221 725 142 579 680 913 195 971 810 859 532 866 624 394 345 392 415 351 402 802 112 404 311 672 899 653 892 862 871 883 958 96 190 921 625 860 646 426 365 333 497 331 613 712 907 604 691 888 382 421 861 629 238 405 873 284 917 3 621 741 708 598 536 345 613 154 591 25 650 306 839 942 799 720 138 123 464 758 31 96 108 935 997 268 315 ) (54206)
<Quia`> WHY IS THAT THE FIRST THING ANYONE DOES WITH IT? |
#301342 (172/214) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<DrSunglass> So, my family just upgraded to HDTV satellite TV.
<DrSunglass> The thing I notice most is that the fine print in commercials is now clearly legible. |
#301376 (279/337) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<slashproc> Oh, I was thinking AOL 9.1
<slashproc> ever run into anyone actually using it?
<argosy> Yes. Then I backed up and ran over them again.Comment: #css on Efnet
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#301369 (232/378) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<shinaku> My prediction is that in another ten years we will look back on this decade with 2020 hindsight. |
#301368 (266/324) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
< samble> gah
< samble> documenting code is hard
< samble> i keep ending sentences with semicolons
< jbroome> #i don't really have that problem |
#301362 (98/252) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<abrn> lol I just opened this letter and its a subpoena for treason |
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#301350 (198/286) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<Tenoch_> eek an underscore
-!- Tenoch_ is now known as Tenoch
-!- subrime is now known as _
<_> Im free!Comment: #loveclub@irc.freenode.net
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#301332 (386/508) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
SoccerGirl114: Today, I was having sex with this guy at a party when out of no where he yells at the top of his lungs, "mortal kombat!".
SoccerGirl114: His friends yelled back, "finish her!" |
#301124 (359/465) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<@DigDug> A girl in a bar said to me, "I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last person alive."
<@DigDug> Leaning over and whispering, I replied, "But who would be around to stop me?" |
#301012 (223/267) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<gloomp> isaacx, I have a challenge for you!
<isaacx> what?
<gloomp> Try going ten lines without using a question mark!
<isaacx> my lines?
<isaacx> or in total? |
#300997 (145/303) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<Cylene> Why're they called boobies?
<Cylene> they should be called yaybies! |
#300788 (115/221) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
* Now talking in #coding
<ih8censorship> so want to hear about how I got a date?
<ih8censorship> with a girl?
<Dr_BadSpoon> express it in C++
<ih8censorship> hm
<ih8censorship> class girl{
<ih8censorship> public:
<ih8censorship> void Computerbroken(){Goondatewithgeek();}
<ih8censorship> };
<ih8censorship> girl Erika;
<ih8censorship> Erika.Computerbroken();
<ih8censorship> Ih8censorship.mood("^_^"); |
#300741 (150/216) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<adimarco> it amuses me that, even when eating treats, cats just instinctively know to rapidly shake their head back and forth a few times to make sure the spine is broken.
<zinger> i do the same with donuts |
#299847 (111/183) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<nathan> What's so offensive about meatspin
<tonyb> Its one of two things
<tonyb> Either the ugly font
<tonyb> Or the spinning penis |
#299826 (83/211) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
Hypnotek: Have you ever noticed the similarities between the daft punk Pyramid and the image on the back of the dollar bill?
John: They're pyramids. And both open up. That's about it.
John: Unless the dollar bill also has lasers, an attached HD LCD screen, neon lights, and a DJ booth inside as well.
Hypnotek: It should.
Hypnotek: Would make paying for things much more fun. |
#301278 (343/375) ↑Funny ↓Awful πOld
<DaynaGirl> I had an app once... it adjusted your volume to full in all regards... then screamed out into the darkness "Hey!!! Look at me!!! I'm watching PORN over here!!!"
<DaynaGirl> then it kindly returned everything back to normal settings.
<reiser> hahaha DaynaGirl
<zarko> DaynaGirl: i believe i saw such a web site
<zarko> it opened dozens of windows, filled with gay porn, and played that msg repetitively
<zarko> well, it said "GAY porn"
<DaynaGirl> I thought it was so funny... I renamed it "DaynaNude.Exe" and kept a copy on the desktop.
<DaynaGirl> one night at about 2am... I'm awoken to the app playing...
<DaynaGirl> I rush out to my puter to find my mother turning forty shades of purple... |
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