|
TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..6789101112..559Next> |
#302103 (351/545) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<bucketmouse> every time i feel depressed i just 7zip something from the commandline
<bucketmouse> lrobin$ 7za a test.7z blah.txt
<bucketmouse> Creating archive test.7z
<bucketmouse> Compressing blah.txt
<bucketmouse> Everything is Ok |
#230994 (8/362) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
< Markaci> $500 for a fscking loafer?
< Markaci> I clicked the link expecting a shoe that tied itself.
<+Bacon> Markaci: its a Salvatore Ferragamo 'Raphael' Loafer
<+Bacon> Markaci: it does, it has no shoe laces |
#304300 (416/568) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<DayNine> Fractal alligators.
<DayNine> Like a normal alligator, but instead of arms, there are more alligators. |
#303704 (118/268) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<@michael`> Kim Kardashian, Ellen DeGeneres Praise Overturning of Prop. 8?
<@michael`> thank GOD she spoke out
<@michael`> i was sitting here thinking
<@michael`> jesus christ, WHAT does kim kardashian think about this |
#303426 (178/300) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<btg101> i spend half my day fixing the shit i wrote at night without thinking
<btgt101> and the other half writing the shit im gonna fix tomorrow |
|
Open call for science fiction prose/art
|
#138889 (-1328/4008) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
Raycaster : I thought you hated poetry?
Nightripper: Poetry? Here's some poetry:
Nightripper: Roses are red.
Nightripper: Violets are blue.
Nightripper: Shut the fuck up,
Nightripper: Or I'll assrape you.
Nightripper: Enjoy. |
#134332 (333/787) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<drharlem> Hey, I never believed in programming with it but I've come up with a resolution:
<drharlem> That cocaine stuff actually works, got a mug, put in hot water,
<drharlem> four bags of the stuff,
<drharlem> and I've been up ever since
<drharlem> shit! CAFFEINE!! CAFFEINE! |
#133097 (254/546) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Peppery> i did get started on that xml thing
<Peppery> then got bored and wrote a program that prints random strings and makes my terminal look like the matrix |
#131422 (359/655) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<lolage> Holy shit. Most epic idea ever.
<lolage> In the history of mankind.
<lolage> A rocket-coffin.
<lolage> You get put in standing upward. Door gets closed and you get launched into the sky
<lolage> with a parachute attached to your body
<lolage> the door blows in mid air
<lolage> parachute autodeploys
<lolage> you float, dead; down into someones garden
<oohal> lolage, you've got issues
<lolage> Oh man. I'd better get started on the blue prints. |
#129207 (305/533) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<miska> does anyone know how to change sex in WoW?
<SaxxonPike> When you play WoW, sex won't ever change |
#128655 (442/692) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Kitty> I'm not a vegetarian because I like animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. |
#125781 (3/1301) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
[17:33] <Julia-Maureen> Hold on, my cat is screaming... |
#302252 (273/729) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Goose> Say alpha-Kenny-body out loud.
<Demii> GENIUS. |
#301562 (797/1113) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
bakayuki@live.com: i kinda want to explain to her about the positrons in bananas
bakayuki@live.com: and see if i can get her to think eating moar bananas will slow down time...
FRIN NY KAO: do it
baka.yuki@live.com: if she comes in tomorrow shoving bananas down her throat i win at life
FRIN NY KAO: /awesom
FRIN NY KAO: do it
baka.yuki@live.com: already talking to her
baka.yuki@live.com: i'm backing it up with fancy science problems
baka.yuki@live.com: which is actually just my chem homework
FRIN NY KAO: HAHAHAHA
baka.yuki@live.com: i just showed her an mole-balanced equation for how iron and water become rust
FRIN NY KAO: oh wow
baka.yuki@live.com: and explained that was the pime taradox equation
baka.yuki@live.com: if she runs in to another /b/ tard he's gonna have a field day
FRIN NY KAO: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
baka.yuki@live.com: she's an english major
baka.yuki@live.com: of course she is
FRIN NY KAO: you're bullshitting
FRIN NY KAO: she bought it?
baka.yuki@live.com: why didn't i think of that
baka.yuki@live.com: she took it hook line and sinker
baka.yuki@live.com: "oh so thats why i feel so slow and bloated when i eat to many bananas"
baka.yuki@live.com: i almost couldn't keep a straight face
FRIN NY KAO: aw dude
baka.yuki@live.com: "yes exactly, the sodium is slowing down your time sphere"
FRIN NY KAO: ever seen commercials for 'the invention of lying'?
baka.yuki@live.com: nope
FRIN NY KAO: oh
FRIN NY KAO: tl;dr
FRIN NY KAO: THE WORLD IS GOING TO END UNLESS WE HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW
FRIN NY KAO: response?
FRIN NY KAO: do we have time to get to a motel room?
FRIN NY KAO: that woman
FRIN NY KAO: is banana girl
baka.yuki@live.com: she's going on and on about odd experiences she's had with bananas
baka.yuki@live.com: i'm having
FRIN NY KAO: oh
baka.yuki@live.com: real issues
FRIN NY KAO: god
baka.yuki@live.com: not laughing
baka.yuki@live.com: like i can feel my face contorting
FRIN NY KAO: if she asks you whats wrong
FRIN NY KAO: you should just say
baka.yuki@live.com: i ate a banana
FRIN NY KAO: im sorry, you're just a total idiot
baka.yuki@live.com: no i told her i ate a banana and then an orange earlier
baka.yuki@live.com: and now they're duking it out
FRIN NY KAO: what
baka.yuki@live.com: she bought it
baka.yuki@live.com: and feels bad for the orange
FRIN NY KAO: i feel bad for her parents
baka.yuki@live.com: oh thank god
baka.yuki@live.com: she's leaving
baka.yuki@live.com: HAHAHAHAHAHA
baka.yuki@live.com: i WIN
baka.yuki@live.com: "Well I wanna go to the cafeteria to get some bananas, I have an exam this afternoon and a few more hours would be nice"
FRIN NY KAO: OH GOD
FRIN NY KAO: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS
baka.yuki@live.com: I told her she wont physically notice the difference but to just keep eating them
baka.yuki@live.com: you can't make this shit up
FRIN NY KAO: oh god
baka.yuki@live.com: how do these people function
FRIN NY KAO: iunno
baka.yuki@live.com: the guy in the cube next to me heard the whole conversation
baka.yuki@live.com: he just asked to shake my hand
FRIN NY KAO: HAHAHAHAHA
baka.yuki@live.com: "I want to shake the hand of the man, who is the greatest troll I have ever met"
FRIN NY KAO: remember that comment about another /b/tard?
FRIN NY KAO: well, you met him rather than her
FRIN NY KAO: fuck
FRIN NY KAO: you won so hard
FRIN NY KAO: you found the motherfucking holy grail
baka.yuki@live.com: i want her number so I can like
baka.yuki@live.com: have something to do when bored
baka.yuki@live.com: just call her up and troll her
FRIN NY KAO: "hey, water causes you to develop tumors faster"
baka.yuki@live.com: the feeling bad for the orange
baka.yuki@live.com: that
baka.yuki@live.com: that about killed me |
#303479 (593/801) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Tom> Guys, I just pulled the best prank ever, took 2 months to do the whole thing.
<Matt> ... Go on?
<Charlie> what was it?
*** Joins: Craig
<Craig> Fuck guys, James died.
<Matt> What the fuck?! How?
<Craig> Noone knows, a midget found him dead in his bathroom apparently.
<Craig> He is up there on the suspect list.
*** Quits: Tom (Ermm.. sleep)
<Craig> That'll teach the prick to hide midgets in my bathroom.
*Craig is now known as James |
|
Subscribe to the RSS feed to get the latest approved quotes
|
#303589 (5/959) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Omi> Who are the hardest people to distract?
<Xa> No clue
<Omi> Jews
<Omi> All that time spent in concentration camps. |
#303571 (531/675) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<CoJaBo> There was a moth icon on a site I just visited.
<CoJaBo> I thought it was an ad so I mousover'd to adblock it.
<CoJaBo> And it FLEW IN MY EYE D: |
#303566 (296/518) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
lollz> And what did babys drink before people discovered cows?
Aeon> they drank there moms milk
lollz> Yeh but where did they get the milk
Aeon> omg
CoJaBo> ...
CoJaBo> !wp breast feeding
AmiBot> Breastfeeding is the feeding of an infant or young child with milk from a woman's breasts.
lollz> wtf milk comes from boobs?
CoJaBo> LOL
Aeon> wow u srsly didnt kno that?
lollz> EWW! MILk comes from cow boobs!Comment: Milk Day, 2008
|
#303524 (414/620) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
[DominoEffect] so, I saw quite possibly the best thing ever today
[DominoEffect] had to go to the hospital because my mother had to have surgery done
[DominoEffect] and in the lobby there was a little bakery type thing, with coffee and bagels and such
[DominoEffect] the guy behind the counter was short, big nose, bald on top, short curly hair on the sides and back of his head
[DominoEffect] when I came in there was a big guy standing around outside, he came in after me and ordered a bagel or something with a thick german accent
[DominoEffect] took a bite and said "you know, we can't get decent baked goods in germany anymore"
[DominoEffect] the guy behind the counter just said "oh, and whose fault is that?"
[DominoEffect] I was fuckin dying, I had to step outside for a minute |
#303515 (431/581) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
&Akensai: i just brutally slaughtered some russian asshat
&Akensai: called me an elephant penis in russian
&Akensai: so i let him know i could understand russian
&Akensai: by calling him 2 week old moldy dick juice
&Akensai: now we're friends. |
#303386 (112/312) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<jer> on a side note, love the new iphone headset -- they don't tangle as easily
<jer> s/headset/earbuds\/whatever/
<erica> earbuds == evil evil evil
<jer> erica, three evils? thought just two?
<erica> Left ear, right, sinuses
<atomicbird> if the earbuds hurt your sinuses, you're probably using them wrong |
#303296 (17/899) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Protagonist> STAND UP TO THE VICTORY
<Protagonist> STAND UP
<Protagonist> STAND UP
<Protagonist> STAND UP
<Protagonist> STAND UP
<Protagonist> STAND UP
<Protagonist> STAND UP
<Protagonist> STAND UP
<Protagonist> STAND UP
<Protagonist> guitar solo
=-= Protagonist was booted from #adeptusevangelion by OlympusMons (sit down) |
#296915 (317/469) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<_Pooky> Watch out for the 700cal sandwichs tho.
<lion42> _Pooky, I'm on a 4000 calorie diet. I can have all the sandwiches I damn well want. :P
<Uncertain> that's no diet, that's a monster
<_Pooky> No shit...why are you on a 4k diet?
<_Pooky> Weight training or something?
<lion42> Pancreatic insufficiency. Because I don't dump out enough enzymes, I don't absorb calories or.. anything at all, really, as well as other people do.
<lion42> 4000 is my normal, average, maintaining my weight diet.
<_Pooky> Ok, that makes sense then.
<_Pooky> That's got to make for messy bowel movements.
<lion42> Yes, my shits are festive. |
#128138 (252/464) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<Options> well, guess my parents dont want me playing phoenix wright in the house anymore :(
<Sylon[DMS]|Around> throw your DS in their face and yell OBJECTION!
<Options> that is....AN AWESOME IDEA |
#302444 (312/616) ↑Funny ↓Bad πOld
<nil> If you have a problem and think to yourself... "I can solve that with a regular expresion!" Now you have two problems. |
|
T-Shirt Hell: Shirts you'll never have the balls to wear in public
|
|
save page |
share: reddit
stumbleupon
digg
facebook
twitter
tumblr
<Prev1..6789101112..559Next> |
|