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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..32333435363738..596Next> |
#305931 (139/219) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Joh> The worst part of life:
<Joh> That time between being able to drive the little cars at legoland and being able to drive real cars. |
#304691 (145/191) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<BunneH> i saw a urologist yesterday
<BunneH> er.. today, not yesterday
<BunneH> he had to use KY jelly to get his thumb into my prostate
<BunneH> well, i dunno if it was KY
<BunneH> may have been aknockoff
<BunneH> point is, i had a jelly-covered thumb in my anus
<BunneH> i felt like a donut
<BunneH> when he poked it he said "does this make you feel like you need to urinate?"
<BunneH> i almost said "no, but i feel like i need to shit a thumb"
<BunneH> luckily, i refrained, and just said "no" |
#304590 (170/234) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<geniice> and lets face it if your backup plan is to fill the area with liquid helium you've chosen quite an exciting life |
#308649 (383/435) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@esch> gonna need som eclarification there
<@pyna> how does eclarification differ from regular clarification ?
<@esch> creme filling, idiot |
#308597 (60/118) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
BossMan: That is intellisense
BossMan: It's an extra feature
BossMan: They give it to you for free then it goes away after 15 days or something like that
BossMan: You will get used to it, love it, have it taken away, be unable to understand how you ever wrote SQL without it, then slowly forget it existed. |
#306964 (208/244) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+taras> my take on the world has improved since Firefox started giving me The Onion instead of BBC News when i type 'news' in the address barComment: #bitfolk
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#308447 (46/122) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<nathan> I think % is secretly the symbol for a titfuck |
#306605 (164/190) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Matthew> had a weird dream last night, some doctors told me that my spine was fucked
<@Matthew> first they were very helpful promising to get it fixed, then they found out i didn't have private health insurance
< ulber> the american dream |
#305766 (102/170) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Cycron | the first thing i thought of when i heard that Japan moved several feet: "their GPS is totally messed up now"Comment: irc.ecnet.org
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#304853 (63/143) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Brend> "I have created a revolutionary AI from first principles! Also, can anyone tell me how to draw coloured dots on the screen?" |
#300465 (-19/103) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< Meta> MidComMobile: Hey, I'm moving back to the coast
< Meta> I'm going to study
< Meta> And I'm going to start over
* ProfessorBacon removes his pants |
#308634 (581/613) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> NTP Protocol helped me to isolate a plumbing problem in the apartment before the people on site could figure it out.
<asaph> ...what?
<Pryoidain> Well I get this call saying there's a leak in the apartment below me, they need permission to enter to navigate it and solve the problem, so i grant them it. Now I'm swamped, so when things calm down I do the logical thing
<Pryoidain> I checked ishi's NTP Pool Server monitoring page, and pulled up the CSV file to look at epoch times.
<Pryoidain> Last time the server pinged it was like 5 minutes before.
<Pryoidain> From this I knew that the leak could not be from the furnace/ac as that is in the server room (I know I know, but its the coldest room) and if water hit any of the routers or anything or the mains, UPS would have turned off the server.
<Pryoidain> Next I worked back. Can't be in any of the exterior walls, thats where the wires run and the socket for the Main router in the small bedroom is. Server goes through that router.
<Pryoidain> The modem is in the master bedroom, which shares a wall with the bathroom, so I was worried, but if it's still up then no shorts there or anything freaky going on, because, well, NTP responses are still sub millisecond.
<Pryoidain> And finally, It can't be in the kitchen, because for whatever dumbfuck reason the outlets in the kitchen and the server room are the same circuit, and the Garbage disposal outlet is UNDER the pipes and isn't a GFCI (yet) so it would have tripped the breaker killing the server, etc etc.
<Pryoidain> So its the bathroom, internal wall, on the sink or tub.
<Pryoidain> Get home, it was the bathroom sink, leak in the internal wall.
<asaph> ....
<Pryoidain> Yeah, i'm just kinda basking in this right now. |
#308626 (54/144) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Bitgod> how to make an iframe stay put when you minimize the page, its fine in full screen, but when i minimize the page the frame moves?
<forbex> you know, every time i come in here someone is having problems with an iframe
<forbex> i don't think that's a coincidence
<P1RATEZ> they are probably holding it wrongComment: #html freenode
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#308611 (177/223) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@NWH> Stupid Things About the Internet, #87246087: Message boards that automatically change "8)" to an emoticon of a smiley wearing sunglasses.
<@NWH> "My son is so smart (he was skipped ahead to fourth grade at the age of *smiley wearing sunglasses* and now he's reading at a high school level." |
#308609 (187/343) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Katie: futurama proves something
Katie: you can make a girl the hero of the show, but in the end everyone still thinks a lazy guy is the main character |
#308580 (68/132) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+abum> where is siloam springs
<d4> its a mystery
<d4> one of those un-google-able locations
<zap> even if you were to open google right now and type "where is siloam springs"
<zap> it wouldn't say "arkansas"
<d4> it just says "go ask on irc" and there's no linkComment: #efnet
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#307246 (171/205) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Eevee1> Suppose in management terms, you'd call it the Seagull.
<Eevee1> Fly in, squawk loudly, shit everywhere, and leave. |
#307731 (360/398) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Amadiro> RumpledElf, according to that definition, my markov-chain based chatbot spouting random phrases combined from previous messages it recollects from its database is probably more sentient than most actual human IRC users.
<Amadiro> aib, it usually ended up pretty much just spouting out sentences it heard previously to other people at a later point. Additionally I ran some simple regexpes over the output.
<Amadiro> That caused some hilarious conversations like the bot arguing with some guy whether it's "slipknot" or "slipgnot" (replaced all k's with g's)
<Amadiro> aib, we also fed it the bible, all 7 harry potter books, various pornographic novels and Karl Marx' "Das Kapital" later on, with brilliant results.
<aib> add a Hitler biography and you've got an Internet discussion generatorComment: ##programming@irc.freenode.net
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#306523 (286/402) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Chelsea: My mom just found out that furries exist
Chelsea: Because she SAW some
Chelsea: TWICE
Chelsea: and she keeps asking why I think they're creepy
Maddie: OH GOD
Chelsea: and i dont want to be like
Chelsea: "mom"
Chelsea: "i have to level with you"
Chelsea: "furries don't just enjoy dress up"
Chelsea: but anyway she was like "they were cute! they looked like they were having fun! why are they creepy?"
Chelsea: CAN'T THE MEDIA EXPLAIN THIS FOR ME
Chelsea: THIS MUST BE HOW CONSERVATIVE PARENTS FEEL WHEN THEIR KIDS ASK ABOUT GAY PEOPLE |
#306048 (158/288) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Man18> friends dog had to be put down today
<Man18> i told him damn man thats ruff in a text message
<Man18> he deleted me on facebookComment: #gbatemp.net
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#303743 (240/268) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Rjx> guy just called from a phone company
<@Rjx> my battery is actually running out
<@Rjx> and he's introducing himself, saying where he's from
<@Rjx> I just said buddy, I've got 5% battery left, what's the deal
<@Rjx> "are you interested in buying anything?" no "thanks"
<@Rjx> I need to try that every time |
#303665 (174/244) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Azazial> My mom is a very nice and helpful person with an extremely strange world view. I dunno if I've ever told this one over here, but my mom does not believe in something that is very common. Something that you are most likely using right now!
<&Summer> Your mom doesn't beleive in the internet?
<@Azazial> Nope. She's merely inept at the internet.
<@Azazial> The magical item that she does not believe in is.... atoms.
<@Azazial> It gets better, however. Her husband is a PhD research chemist! |
#176290 (211/265) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Tiberius> i get my women the same way a lion gets his prey
<+int16h> Stalking them?
<Ves> idiots who fall in the cage? |
#171657 (185/229) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< evitable> i always rather liked badminton
< evitable> except for the time i hit a shuttlecock into a tree
< evitable> then lost a racket trying to get it out
< evitable> lost a rake tryin to get the racket
< evitable> and lost a fucking 2x4 trying to get anything
< evitable> then ruined my pants with sap |
#305502 (167/199) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<inetknght> uhhh, oops
<inetknght> i was fucking around with ipv6 settings on my work's server and accidentally disabled ipv4 on it
<inetknght> ...without ipv4, i have zero method of remoting in to fix that so that the point-of-sale systems still function
<inetknght> suppose i still have remote access to another machine on the network... any idea how to remote in through link-local ipv6 to re-enable that shit so i dont get a call tomorrow morning?
* ~Genesis2001 prepares coffee for inetknght
<~Genesis2001> you'll need it :v |
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