QDB: Best of the Queue
About / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Donate / Submit Quote / Search

AllBestWeekMonthRandom<Prev1..49505152535455..313Next>
#301524* (?/32) ⚐Flag
SHE: Let me know when you get in. I just want to tell you how excited I am.  And how much I love you. :)
HE: I got here ages ago. ;)
SHE: You know... with a car, we could get groceries tonight and just go to the farmer's market tomorrow. And anywhere else you wanna go. Like... oh... say a craft store or the Bulk Barn?  Or a Canadian Tire or ... anywhere! Like the new Mediterranean market. :)
HE: You know what? ... "yes dear"
SHE: So, did everyone go look at the car? :D
HE: need I reiterate, these are not women here. knowlege of its presence is sufficient.
SHE: Bah.
Comment: first car
#301250* (?/32) ⚐Flag
< fbstj> nightynight :(
< unrealuniverse> night, but its still 2 minutes before bed time
< fbstj> lol
< unrealuniverse> well 3
-!- fbstj has quit ["Leaving."]
< Arcath> maybe if we sneek a program onto fbstjs pc that increases the length of a second exponetially as it gets closer to 9pm
< Arcath> that way he will look at his system time and thinks he still has ages before he "has" to go to bed
< unrealuniverse> lol
< unrealuniverse> i like that thinking
#216189* (?/32) ⚐Flag
<magdalen> I'm in a situation where the other party absolutely loves to go to court, and why shouldn't he?  it's free, it's exciting, sometimes his name gets in the paper, woohoo
<magdalen> he has nothing else to do with his time at all
<magdalen> he gets a lot of attention and sympathy and gets to dress up and have people call him mister
#235982* (?/32) ⚐Flag
<Dynamo> Do that again, and I will switch your testicles with your eyes.
#297657* (?/32) ⚐Flag
<lech> r.i.p. Billy Mays
<Boriss> he's famous for doing late-night ads or something?
<Boriss> i don't think i've ever seen this guy
<jX> oxyclean
<CTho> he shouts in all his commercials
<jX> orange-glo
<Boriss> maybe it should be NATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY
#295766* (?/32) ⚐Flag
(09:13:38 PM) tehDarkAura: then it got really infected and the doctor had to cut it out
(09:13:53 PM) tehDarkAura: lol-- i had to wear a big ass patch on my ear for weeks
(09:14:03 PM) Squall: Ear patch?
(09:14:03 PM) dort1: Should've worn an ear patch instead.
#304554* (?/32) ⚐Flag
Mat: can you hire yourself?
Mike: you can try
Mike: but they say everyone is their own toughest interviewer
Mat: oh... no me, I don't really care about anything
Mike: you're hired!
Mat: hurray!
Mike: your first assignment is to make a sandwich. then, network it
#304689* (?/32) ⚐Flag
<naught101> dunno if I'm gonna be good for a meeting today. Was up all night sick as a dog
<naught101> the most fucked up thing - I was dreaming about drupal in between, and I was convinced that my vomit was a stdClass Object, and there was one property that was supposed to be an array, and I had to work out what to fill it with before I would get better...
Comment: #drupal-contribute
#307827* (?/32) ⚐Flag
*** augur murders profkarp
*** profkarp dies
*** profkarp raises from the dead after 3 days and starts a religion
<gws> haha, I read that as 'starts a railgun'
<profkarp> would be so much cooler
<@tek> Firing Gods from a test ship, FUCK YEAH AMERICA
#308127* (?/32) ⚐Flag
<i_c-Y> im not just hard. im np hard, baby.
#308341* (?/32) ⚐Flag
* Moon_Dog3VO sips his wine
* SgtSlaughter drinks his bourbon
* blackroseMD1 drains his beer and throws the bottle at someone
#309445* (?/32) ⚐Flag
<Depp>: ... Your turn, YE
<YE>: ohthisisgoingtobefun
<YE>: *ahem*
YE puts on reading glasses and sits on his leather chair by the fireplace.
Depp sits back
<YE>: once upon a time in a far away land, there lived a gentleman by the name of dinderflan mccuntyshorts.
<Protopulse>: ohboyherewego
<YE>: dinderflan was but a humble cobbler in his village, cobbling for free for the peasants and being an overall wonderful citizen.
<YE>: one day, however, a shady figure ventured into the village, battle-scarred and cloaked in dark robes, his eyes black as night and his hair like the mane of a shadowy lion.
<YE>: he ventured to dinderflan's workshop, where dinderflan was cobbling the day away.
<YE>: the man went up to dinderflan as he was working.
<YE>: "dinderflan mccuntyshorts," the man stated formally.
<YE>: dinderflan looked up, shocked at the beastlike growl that came from the man's words.
<YE>: "yes?" dinderflan's voice trembled, looking the man straight in his black eyes.
<YE>: "you are the most powerful wizard in all the land," said the man, "and i am here to kill you."
<YE>: dinderflan stared at the man in shock. he did not practice the art of the majykks in any sort!
<YE>: but before dinderflan could object, the cold, silver blade of a dagger glinted just centimeters away from his eyes.
<YE>: dinderflan jolted upward, jumping back against the wall and kicking his cobbler's stool toward the man. he took a few more steps backward, cautiously. but alas, dinderflan was cornered.
<YE>: the dark man rose the dagger without a word. dinderflan could feel his blood boil, his heart beating like a rabbit. he shut his eyes, certain of his untimely fate.
<YE>: but in the darkness behind dinderflan's eyelids, a sound was heard from the outside world.
<YE>: a faint gurgle, similar to that of which was produced when dinderflan's shoepolish cauldron was set to a boil, and then an uncomfortable silence.
<YE>: dinderflan did not feel the icy dagger piercing his skin, nor did he hear the sound of black robes shuffling on the floorboards, or the growl of his assailant's voice.
<YE>: he opened his eyes.
<YE>: on the ground in front of him was the dark man, turned inside out from the rectum.
<YE>: "fuckin'... asshole..." dinderflan heard the man gurgle, his veiny insides that were now his veiny outsides pulsating with pain and fury.
<YE>: dinderflan stared in horror as the man let out his last breath. his intestines spilled out, and blood and other thick juices were seeping through the floorboards. dinderflan could hear the dripping of the fluids echoed from the attic below.
<YE>: seconds passed. they turned into minutes, which turned into hours.
<YE>: the sun was setting. a putrid, festering anal stench had filled the building and was heavy and musty in the air.
<YE>: dinderflan had not looked up from his hands the entire time.
<YE>: "i did this..." he had continually muttered to himself, "i... did this..."
<YE>: it was night now. flies had begun to swarm the dark man's inhumanly disfigured body, their numbers growing as the agonizing minutes passed.
<YE>: dinderflan had been standing for so long that his knees were weak. his arms had been outstretched before him for so long that they felt as if they were bound by heavy shackles. he could not move his hands, which were still open in front of him. his eyes were streaming tears from the stinging odor.
<YE>: "i did this..." his voice strained once more.
<YE>: dinderflan was but a humble cobbler, and he did not know many things. he did not know why the sun set at dusk and the moon rose in the evening. he did not know what love was, or what else the world had to offer.
<YE>: he came from a relatively uneducated village, so dinderflan did not know arithmetic. he struggled to read, and could barely write, his hands constantly weary from cobbling.
<YE>: dinderflan knew so little, but it was then that he realized he knew far too much.
<YE>: for the first time in what seemed like centuries, dinderflan closed his eyes.
<YE>: "i..."
<YE>: "...did this..."
<YE>: suddenly, dinderflan felt a wet warmth envelop his being as a comfortable darkness set in. frenzied sounds filled his ears, but were swiftly overshadowed by a slurping noise.
<YE>: dinderflan's eyes were closed. there was a silence that he had never experienced, now. he was numb and utterly sedated.
<YE>: "i did this."
<YE>: and he could experience no more.
<YE>: moral of the story: don't be a wizard.
Comment: One time, my friends and I decided to tell bedtime stories. Then it was my turn.
#309981* (?/32) ⚐Flag
< uiysum> You all talk of death like you've never been dead before. What were you before you were born?
< enchilado> A hippo.
#233196* (?/33) ⚐Flag
<reddawn> I like the "Queue" page on bash, it's like American Idols rejects
#302321* (?/16) ⚐Flag
* You are now known as bacon
<bacon> !!!!!!!
* bacon
* bacon
* bacon
* bacon
* bacon
* bacon
* bacon
* bacon
* bacon
* bacon
* bacon
Tanner [~Tanner@tech.monkey] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
zamabe [~zamabe@i.saw.this.giant.bird.and.his.name.was.linux] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
Fleetflame [~epicfail@your.mom.is.amazing] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
tank [~t@Honk-Honk-EAC75D20.dsl.as9105.com] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
cookies [~blu.aki@is.a.pretty.girl] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
navs [~navs@keybaordkitteh.com] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
TheEsoteric [~esoteric@*.1A1CA7] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
BTDT [~btdt@BTDT.Honk-Honk.User] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
Sanity [~PENISMIGHT@raindrops.keep.falling.on.my.head] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
SnoFox [~SnoFox@is.all.up.in.your.arpa] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
Higurashi [~shimon@Paladin.of.Avandra.admin.honk-honk.org] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
FoxBot [FoxBot@Honk-Honk-18A23B11.cluenet.org] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
Bertrum [Who@Berterm.win] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
Curly [~a_grue@once.upon.a.time] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
ChrisHansen [b4@Honk-Honk-15E5547E.chicago-il.gewt.net] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
GIR [infobot@but.i.NEED.tacos.i.need.them.or.i.will.EXPLODE] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
Magnus_ [~IceChat7@*.11E90A] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
MoiraA [~moira@MoiraA.Honk-Honk.User] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
Chris [hans@Owner.Honk-Honk.org] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
EntityReborn [~AllHailTheGeek@Honk-Honk-855E6AFC.sw33t.net] has quit [G-Lined: Spam sucks.]
[entire network was G-Lined]
#302354* (?/16) ⚐Flag
lonestarnorth: okay my testicles are bulging out of the hole in my pants
lonestarnorth: i should fix this
Scaramouche: Please do.
lonestarnorth: or maybe i'll just save them for the next time you come over
lonestarnorth: "HEY, GUESS WHAT THAT IS"
Scaramouche: "A d20?"
lonestarnorth: "Correct. NOW LOOK AT MY TESTICLES HANGING OUT!"
Scaramouche: "AAGH!"
#302437* (?/16) ⚐Flag
d0gc0w: lousy still waiting for the trailer to l0ad
punch: owned via horse-drawn internet
punch: perhaps you should just get an acoustic coupler modem for one of your western electric telephones and complete the transformation
d0gc0w: well, i already did get a SMALLET and ditched the DATA PLAN on my phone
d0gc0w: i'm simplifying my life!
punch: lousy those two nearly insignificant things being the modern day equivalent of going off to live in some mountain shack
Comment: That's it, I'm moving to the hills!
#302527* (?/16) ⚐Flag
<Balls_Deep> you know what's fucked up?
<Balls_Deep> if you weigh like 135 and you say you fucked a 500lb chick, everybody can accept that, and her weight
<Balls_Deep> but if you say you lifted her, suddenly you're a fucking liar
<Balls_Deep> is that a double standard?
#302557* (?/16) ⚐Flag
<@coldhead> it's about a woman
<nlogax> tell me more
<ben_alman> a woman? i don't understand
<@coldhead> are you familiar with this ascii art: ( . Y . ) ?
<@coldhead> it's a different woman to that
<ben_alman> wait.
<ben_alman> i need you to pick one of these
<ben_alman> type either A or B. by woman you mean A) ( . Y . ) or B) 8===D
<@coldhead> A
<ben_alman> ok.
<@coldhead> but with a different Y
<ben_alman> like, an extra Y?
<ben_alman> wait.
<ben_alman> i need you to pick one of these
<ben_alman> type either A or B. by extra Y you mean A) ( . Y . Y . ) or B) 8===D
<nlogax> QUAID COME CLOSEEERR
<nlogax> GET UR ASS TO MARS
Comment: #jquery, irc.freenode.net
#302566* (?/16) ⚐Flag
<baronvonbadguy> uhok: weed is gay
<baronvonbadguy> whenever I smoke it
<baronvonbadguy> i get the urge to suck cocks
#302571* (?/16) ⚐Flag
<@und3f> Make hentai, not war!
#302655* (?/16) ⚐Flag
12:34 -!- Javacat [~ghsgh@unaffiliated/javacat] has joined ##socialites
< tetsuo> Javagato
< CoJaBo-Aztec> Perldog
< tetsuo> Bashpossum
< CoJaBo-Aztec> Cobolcobra
< awilcox> Assemblerpig?
< tetsuo> Fortrannarwhal
< CoJaBo-Aztec> Lispfrog
< awilcox> Ocamlwolf
< CoJaBo-Aztec> Javascriptcaterpillar
< PeanutHorst> We're thinking of this the wrong way
< PeanutHorst> Ristrettopillar
< PeanutHorst> Espressokeet
< PeanutHorst> Mochachihuahua
< PeanutHorst> :P
#302681* (?/16) ⚐Flag
<EqUaTe> he needs to learn that rape is bad.
<Foxy> lawls im pretty sure he knows that xD
<B-Rad> yar
<B-Rad> I only rape the willing
<Foxy> but its not rape if their willing o-o
* B-Rad is a walking contradiction
<Foxy> x'D
#302839* (?/16) ⚐Flag
<&Muchi> chain-chomp anal beads? kinky nerd sex
#311267* (?/16) ⚐Flag
<LordTina> I might be but at the moment my body is complaining loudly about awkwardly moving about 100 pounds of crap
<Kmmnderkoala> ... A HUNDRED POUNDS OF CRAP WTF ARE YOU DOING
<Kmmnderkoala> ...
<Kmmnderkoala> Oh
<Kmmnderkoala> Not literal crap?
<Kmmnderkoala> OOOH THE BED
<Kmmnderkoala> Sssshhh it's basically midnight
<LordTina> LMAO
<LordTina> I'M A FARMER IT WAS MANURE
<LordTina> I NEED TO FERTILIZE MY CROPS
<Kmmnderkoala> IT'S BASICALLY MIDNIGHT
<LordTina> MY PLANTS ARE HUNGRY
<Kmmnderkoala> SHADDUP SHADDUP SHADDUP
<Kmmnderkoala> IT IS BASICALLY MIDNIGHT
About / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Donate / Submit Quote / Search
14,883 quotes approved; 8,704 fermenting; karma: 189.5256